


Wisteria

by heavenandhighwater



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Cancer, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, POV Sakusa Kiyoomi, Post-Time Skip, Sickfic, Sort of happy ending, it gets sad, just a lot of emotions really, they're all like late 20s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenandhighwater/pseuds/heavenandhighwater
Summary: Wisteria Tumour:nicknamed for its similarities to wisteria vines. Starting at the base of the spine, it continues to grow until the patient is either paralysed or the tumour spreads to other organs. Ironically, whilst Wisteria is symbolic of immortality, there is no cure.orAtsumu's back hurts and it's not the pulled muscle he suspects.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 17
Kudos: 83





	Wisteria

**Author's Note:**

> This has been brewing in my brain for a few months. At first, it was Hanahaki disease and a different ship but finally, I came to this. It's taken forever for me to write and may still undergo editing but for the most part, it's where I want it to be.
> 
> Just a quick not to say that putting Atsumu in cropped clothing was not an attempt to feminise bottoms, I just like men in cropped clothing.

Atsumu was always bright, almost as much as Hinata. Sure, he could be bratty and impersonal at times but once he was comfortable around you, he changed. It wasn’t uncommon for him to tease people around him, especially me but it was all out of love. Every moment he was doing it, there would be a playful tone to his voice and a wide grin stretched across his face.

Somehow, I fell for that smile, against all the odds that were seemingly stacked against it. At first, I didn’t want to accept it. I was more willing to say that I was in love with Bokuto than Miya. He was a cocky little shit who teased me religiously and I couldn’t seem to get enough.

It didn’t come to some big revelation. He didn’t gracefully walk downstairs dressed formally, I wasn’t drunk or riding the high of winning a game. It was simply a Tuesday in May. He was in the kitchen eating cereal at the table, it was five in the morning and we were the only two awake yet. He was on the phone to his brother who was showing him Suna and their newly adopted daughter curled up on the sofa asleep. Miya was cooing over the toddler and babbling so much about how he loved his niece that he didn’t even see me come in.

I stood by the sink, making myself a coffee when I happened to look up and see him laugh so hard that milk sprayed out of his mouth onto the table. I knew my coffee was done and I was sure I could hear Osamu quietly laughing at his brother but my brain went a little bit blank. Had that been anyone else, I would have grimaced and thrown a cloth at them whilst leaving the room. Yet, with Miya, I didn’t mind.

That’s when I knew. Not the milk dribbling down his chin nor the gods above could have stopped me falling for him at that moment. I hated it.

I actually ended up laughing which caused Miya to look at me with double confusion. It was the first he’d noticed my presence and he seemed equally as freaked out like me that I wasn’t calling him disgusting. 

I covered my tracks as well as I could, picking up a cloth whilst telling him to clean up before Meian saw the mess. When I threw the cloth. it hit him square in the head making Osamu let out a cackle, which in turn woke up Suna. 

Now I knew Suna pretty well at that point so that absolute fear and terror in Osamu’s voice when he said “Oh crap, gotta go,” was no surprise.

Miya waved his brother off and cleaned up the mess he made. He moved towards where I was sipping my drink and leant across me to place his bowl in the sink and the cloth near the tap. He wasn’t even that close; I couldn’t have felt his breath or even have told you what he smelt like but he felt far too close.

“What’s up Omi-kun?” Miya asked when he’d straightened back up and looked at me.

“Back the fuck up.”

“What the hell? I’m not even that close to ya, asshole.” Miya grabbed his phone and began leaving the room. “Ya better get that pole out yer ass before practice or I’ll make every set a bitch.”

“You do that anyway!”

Miya spun on his heels and gave me the signature devilish grin. “You adore me anyway.”

And then he was gone and I had nothing to say in retaliation. Even though he had given me no reason to, I did adore him.

“Fuck.” I muttered, turning and slamming my mug on the counter.

Miya did make ever set a bitch, he went above and beyond to make sure that every set was just a little bit not how I liked it. If he completely messed up every set, it would have been obvious to everyone and after a while, I would have been able to predict them. But no, he made them just off.

Some were a little high, others a little low and he especially enjoyed making them a little too much to the left. The worst part was that every time I complained, Meian would remind me that not every set is going to be perfect and I need to learn to adapt and work with what I’m given. Somehow, Miya had convinced him he was doing me a favour.

By the time morning practice was over, I was ready to explode. 

The second coach called it, I stormed past Miya towards the showers. It was rude of me to not help clear away the equipment but I was so pissed at him, I didn’t really care what the others thought.

“Aw come on Omi-omi, don’t be like that.” Miya cooed in a condescending tone as I approached the doors of the locker room.

I flipped him off before the door could close, choosing to just grab my shower stuff and head straight over before anyone else had the chance.

Showers were always a good place for me to unwind. There was a ritualistic nature to showering which stabilised me and the cleaning element was phenomenal for calming my anxiety in a way that wasn’t damaging or considered weird by others.

As the water rolled down my body, I could feel my anger going with it. The feeling was similar to my mind being cleared of a thick fog. Miya was an idiot and borderline insufferable at times but there was no malice to his actions. So, he made my life hell for one practice, it wasn’t the end of the world.

By the time I was done showering, the rest of the team had finished clean up and had begun filtering into the room. Everyone but Miya followed my actions of going straight to the showers whereas Miya was stood by the lockers on his phone.

“Do ya want to see an adorable picture of Aika making cookies?” Miya asked, gesturing to his phone. Despite all his flaws, I did admire his pure love for his niece – she seemed to be the only person he held dear.

However, as much as I admired their relationship and as much as I wanted to see the picture, I was still annoyed with Miya. So, I ignored him and began removing my clothes from my locker.

“Are ya annoyed about the sets? I was just tryna challenge ya a little. Yer just pissed that Meian didn’t take yer side.”

“And you’re pissed that I didn’t miss a single set.”

Miya huffed, shoved his phone in his locker and headed to the showers without another word. 

I felt a small pang of guilt in my heart. What had I done that for? I’d cooled myself off in the shower and Miya just wanted to brag about his niece, which he was perfectly justified to do. I hadn’t met Aika yet but from all the pictures, videos and what both the Miyas and Suna told me, she was a gem.

I slammed my locker door shut and got dressed through a series of huffs and disappointed sighs. I’d messed up and was confident that Miya would be even eviler during evening practice, as long as he could get away with it.

I felt I really had to figure out a way not to be so antagonistic towards him and behave like I didn’t actually hate him. Then I heard Bokuto cry out Miya’s name and tell him to stop changing the water temperature when he closed his eyes, and suddenly I wasn’t sure I wanted to be nicer.

I let out one last sigh, pulling on my mask and shouting goodbye to everyone before leaving the gym and heading back to the shared house. I couldn’t wait for the season to be over so I could go back to sleeping in my own home but I had agreed with the coach that I would stay in the house during the season so long as I could go home whenever I felt it necessary. It was necessary a lot.

I knew that if I went home though than Miya would feel like he’d won and I wouldn’t allow that. Besides I needed to figure out how I was feeling and the only logical way to do that was being around him. In reality, I was just trying to convince myself that what I already knew wasn’t true and that by being around him, maybe he could put me off.

The man was an actual pig, he left a mess everywhere and I dreaded to think what his room looked like. On top of that, he was basically a bully other than the fact he was too dumb to do anything actually conniving. At the time, it seemed pretty realistic that he could make the feelings go away.

Once back at the house, I made quick work of lunch before heading to my room for a quick nap. I felt both emotionally and physically drained in a way that only a nap could fix. It seemed that the second I was nestled under the comforter; I was out like a light.

When I woke up, the sky was already stretching towards dark so I knew that it was getting on for seven in the evening and that I had slept far longer than intended. I checked the time and as predicted; it was 6:42.

I groaned at my own stupidity and pulled myself out of my bed. Evening practise would start in an hour and I still had to eat, which meant it would probably still be heavy on my stomach when we started. I headed to the kitchen, hoping that the animals I lived with had left something edible in the fridge.

“Omi-san!” Hinata cheered as I entered. “Where have you been? Tomas made dinner but you didn’t come when we called.”

“Yeah, sorry, I was asleep.”

“Well, there’s still some over on the side if you want some.” Tomas offered. 

I thanked him and walked over to the side to pick up my food. It was still warm so they couldn’t have eaten that long ago but there was a second bowl that was equally as untouched as mine.

I looked around the room, recognising the faces and counting who was there and who wasn’t.

“Where’s Miya?”

Everyone looked between each other, with slight confusion and then realisation that Miya still hadn’t eaten his food.

“Has anyone seen him since practice?” Meian asked, looking around at everyone.

There was a chorus of no’s and head shakes. To say it was odd, was an understatement. Miya was one of the most sociable people on the team and the fact he had gone a whole afternoon without giving anyone grief was effectively unbelievable.

“Maybe I should go check on him.” Hinata said, rising out of his seat.

“No, no. I’ll go, it was most likely me that upset him anyway.” I blurted, letting my heart speak before my brain could shut it down.

The entire team gave me odd looks and unsure okay’s, watching as I left the room with raised eyebrows.

As I walked the hall to Miya’s room, I felt an unparalleled amount of anxiety. I had never been in Miya’s room, never allowed him or myself to invade each other’s personal space. Outside of practice and the kitchen, we were strangers. I never mingled in the games room, never went on nights out, hell I barely passed him in the hallway.

Reaching for his door handle felt alien to me, almost like what I was doing was illegal. Still, the familiar click of the door lock and my knuckles tapping lightly on the wood as I entered were enough to remind me that it was just Miya and the house that I lived in, nothing was alien or illegal, it was fine.

I don’t know why I went in straight away, even with Hinata I would knock then wait at his door for a response but I walked into Miya’s room like I owned the place.

When the door opened, I felt my heart stop. The room was immaculate, if there was a thing out of place, I couldn’t tell. His closet doors were open and I could see that everything inside was folded and hung neatly, his desk had plenty of space and was only occupied by his laptop and family pictures. The rest of his room was the same, squared away and surprisingly simplistic. Except for the bed, which Miya was sprawled across on, on his stomach with a heat pack against the base of his spine.

“Who is it?” He groaned, his voice a little rough.

“It’s Sakusa. You’re not sick, are you?” I asked, taking a step away from the room.

“No asshole. What do ya want, yer never in here?”

“Well, nobody had seen you all day and that’s kind of weird, don’t you think?”

Miya threw his head up, looking at me with a cheeky smirk and dishevelled hair. “Aw, where ya worried about me Omi-kun?”

“As if. I was actually hoping you’d caught the plague.”

“Like you’d check on me if I had the plague.” He retorted, dropping his head back onto the pillow.

I entered the room better, choosing to ignore his comment simply because I had nothing in retaliation. I plopped down onto the floor next to his bed and stared and the back of his head.

“So, what’s up with you?”

“My back is fucking killing me. It feels like someone is squeezing it.”

Miya turned his head to face me and I could see that around his eyes was a little red. Had he been crying from the pain?

“How’ve you done that?”

“Jeez Omi, have you got anything but questions for me? I probably just twisted it badly at practice.”

“If you want, I can tell Meian you’re dipping out of practice if it hurts that much.”

“Don’t you dare!” Miya snapped, pushing himself up onto his arms and wincing a little. “I’m fine to practice, it’s a pulled muscle. I’ll tape it an get on with it like a grown-up!”

Usually, if someone had yelled at me that way, especially Miya, I would have done the same back but I found myself softening. Maybe it was because I admired his dedication whilst injured or maybe it was the brave face, he was putting on despite the fact he’d been crying but I found myself speaking before I could think once again.

“I could tape it for you, I know the back is kind of difficult to reach.”

Miya looked stunned like someone had short-circuited his brain. “Um-yeah. That would be nice, thank you.”

I smiled.

“Wait don’t you hate touching people; won’t I like infect you or something?”

I reached into my pocket and waved about a pair of latex gloves. With anyone else, I would have made them shower and I would have grabbed hand sanitiser too, just to be safe. I think Miya’s surprising neatness made me feel slightly more at ease and hold confidence that maybe he was capable of cleaning himself effectively.

Miya nodded and moved to sit up. I could tell from his face that it hurt but in all the years I had known and lived with him, I hadn’t seen him cry once. He sat up and turned so that his back was facing me. I only needed to reach his lower back so there was no point being evil and making him sit on the floor.

He began removing his shirt and a sudden wave of panic blew through me as I realised, I was staring far too intently and the way his muscles shifted for it to be considered normal.

“Where’s your tape?” I asked, quickly standing and pulling on my gloves so that I could focus on anything other than his broad shoulders.

“Bedside draw.” Miya responded, nestling into his position.

I opened the draw and pulled out the roll. I was shocked to see how much was gone, considering I remembered Miya buying it. How many times had he played in pain?

I sat back down on the floor and faced his back. I asked where he wanted taping and once, he’d told me I set to work applying the tape. He told me it wasn’t the first time it had happened and how he usually fixed it so I could replicate it the best I could.

“How’s that?” I asked after laying the last strip.

Miya turned cautiously, then a little more aggressively. “Woah, that’s better than how I usually do it. Thanks, Omi.”

“See, I told you it was hard to do on your own. Wait, there’s a bit that’s coming up, let me just smooth it down.”

I stretched my hand out and began smoothing the tape out. It was only then that I realised that Miya’s back was littered with freckles. They were concentrated on his shoulders but trickled down his spine and towards his hips. Without realising I was doing it; I began tracing the freckles with the tip of my middle finger.

“Er-Omi what are yer doing?” Miya asked, shivering a little.

I suddenly realised what I was doing and retracted my hand like his skin burnt.

“Shit, nothing. Sorry.” I said, scrambling away from him slightly.

Miya twisted round to look at me and smirked once again. “Got a thing for freckles do ya Omi? Wanna see where else I’ve got them?”

“Fuck off Miya.”

“What? I wasn’t the one touching the other up.”

Nice to see he was back to his normal self.

“That’s not what that was and you know it.”

“Oh, then what was it?” Miya teased. He was fully turned around at that point and staring at me with his arms crossed and a cocked eyebrow.

“It was nothing you prick. I told you I was smoothing out the tape.”

“A likely story. Could it be, do ya fancy me Omi-kun?” By that point Miya was off the bed, stalking towards me, still undressed.

“Fuck you, Miya.”

“I bet you’d like that.”

My cheeks burnt a little and I prayed he didn’t notice but judging by the sparkle in his eyes, he had. Getting caught out made something in me snap and suddenly I was yelling.

“Why would I ever like you? You’re sloppy and annoying and you throw shitty sets to piss me off when all I do was throw a cloth at you! You’re basically a child and I’m fucking sick to death with it!”

“Fuck all the way off! Nothing is ever good enough for you! You’re a gaslighting little prick, who throws a tantrum when things don’t go your way! If I was pissing you off you deserved it.”

We both stood, glaring intently at each other, willing the other person to say something. After a minute, I stormed away.

“Yeah, fucking run away yer coward!”

“I hope you croak; you prick!” I shouted, before entering my room and slamming the door.

I was sure the rest of the team had heard the whole thing and were probably confused about what had happened in the twenty minutes I’d been gone but I didn’t care. I tore my gloves off, throwing them in the bin and began pacing my room. The anxiety was back, mixed with anger and I was forcing it back down before I had a panic attack.

Before I knew it, it was time to leave for evening practice. I knew I’d dug my own grave, pissing Miya off like that only meant more terrible sets and more attitude.

Like he could read my mind, Miya did the exact opposite. Every set was perfect, I couldn’t have asked for a better practice out of him. Somehow that pissed me off, even more. Miya wasn’t himself the entirety of practice. Sure, if Bokuto or Hinata engaged him, he would join in their antics but he wasn’t initiating them like usual and he made no sly remarks when I missed a set.

When the rest of us began clearing away the equipment, I saw Miya talking to Meian then head to the locker room. That really annoyed me because it meant that he was going to infect the place before I had the chance to clean myself.

Once the majority of the cleaning was done, the team let me head to the locker room. They were really supportive of my weird habits and always made sure I was one of the first to head to the showers. I appreciated it al lot but that day it seemed a little futile considering Miya was already in there.

When I entered, I could hear one of the showers running which seemed odd because it had been a good fifteen/twenty minutes already and Miya never showered for very long.

I grabbed my things from my locker and made my way over to the showers. The showers weren’t open plan, frosted screens were separating each section but there were no curtains that could prevent you from looking in.

I headed to the cubicle two down from Miya and happened to glance in as I walked past his. His back was turned and he was rested on his forearms against the shower wall, letting the water hit his back.

I walked into my cubicle and let the water start running. I don’t think Miya had heard me come in because he suddenly sniffed loudly and I could hear him began to move. Was he crying? My heart hurt a little bit. He was in here crying in pain whilst I was cursing him for getting to the shower before me.

“Miya?”

“What do yer want Sakusa?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Cause, you were leaning against the wall instead of showering and I’m pretty sure you’re crying.”

“Oh, so now yer spying on me in the shower?”

He was deflecting but I was about to do the same. “Does your back hurt?”

“Yeah…I took the tape off and it was the same ache but like a cramp as well. I don’t know how I twisted it so bloody badly.”

“Did you drive here?”

“No, Bokuto brought me.”

“Go get dressed, I’ll drive you home.”

“Don’t ya need to shower?” Miya asked, turning his water off.

“I’ll wash my hair at home, I won’t be long.”

“Okay.”

I heard Miya begin shuffling away.

“A thank you wouldn’t go amiss!” I yelled after him.

“Eat ma ass Omi-kun, you were being nice.”

I felt my cheeks heat up a little and turned my focus back to the shower. Why did he know exactly what buttons to push? And why was he always so vulgar?

I stepped out the shower and wrapped my towel around my waist, walking towards the locker area to get dressed. Miya was sat on a bench, hair damp but dressed and scrolling through his phone. 

I glanced over his shoulder as I passed and saw a video of Aika toddling towards the camera whilst Osamu sat behind her, hands up to his mouth and tears flowing down his cheeks. Judging by the girl's age and Osamu’s reaction, it was from when they were fostering her and was likely her first steps.

“She is a cutie.” I stated, opening my locker.

“Yeah, she is.” Miya smiled. “I always thought that the way I loved Osamu was the most I was capable of but when I met that little girl I was blown away. I love her so much I would throw my brother under a bus for her.”

“She must be pretty special then.”

“Ya gotta meet her Omi-kun. I think she could even melt your frozen heart.”

“Hey, my heart is not frozen.”

“Okay.” Miya scoffed.

I dropped my towel and pulled on my underwear and as I reached for my shirt, I swear I saw Miya quickly look away.

“Where you staring at me?” I asked, clearly amused as I pulled my shirt over my head. It felt nice to have the upper hand for once.

“No, I just zoned out in yer general direction.”

“Smooth Miya.”

“Shut up and get dressed, I wanna go home.”

I pulled on my joggers and sat down to tie up my shoes. As I bent down, Miya stood up and did something I never would have expected. He began packing my bag and the right way.

He folded my towel, dampest side in, placed my unused hand towel on top of it and then wrapped my shoes in their bag, put those in, followed by my clothes. Once he was done, he looked up and we made eye contact for the briefest moment.

“Why’d you do that?”

“I told ya, I wanna go home.”

“Well, thank you.”

“It was nothing. Now, move yer ass.”

I stood up and threw my bag over my shoulder. “Please remember it is me doing you the favour here, asshole.”

“Yeah whatever, yer an angel Omi-omi.”

We headed to the door when it swung open and in entered Hinata and Bokuto.

“Where you guys heading?” Bokuto asked.

“I offered to take Miya home so he wouldn’t have to wait about.”

“Oh, okay. Well try not to kill each other, I guess.” Hinata said, heading for the showers.

“Yeah, weren’t you two just arguing?” Bo added.

“When are we not?” 

That seemed good enough for Bokuto who shrugged in agreement and headed after Hinata. As we left, we waved goodbye to the rest of the team and headed towards my car.

“How do ya have such a nice car?” Miya asked, slinging his bag in the back and climbing into the passenger seat.

“You know how much we get paid.”

“Yeah, but you’ve always had a nice car, even in high school.”

“How do you know what car I had in high school?”

“How could I not know? Everyone was driving round in heaps of shit and you’d fly past in a new model.”

“It’s not that big of a deal.” I said, flatly, pulling out the parking lot.

“Oh my god. Omi-kun are ya rich?”

“What? Of course not.”

“Oh, I bet yer one of those pricks who says that they’re just comfortable.” 

“My family is comfortable, that’s why we call it that.”

“How comfortable is comfortable?” Miya prodded.

“That’s a rude question to ask.”

“Tell me.”

“I don’t know, like 15 million yen a year.”

“Holy shit! Omi-kun, you’re loaded. Ya tight ass why don’t ya look rich?”

“Look rich? I have a nice car and designer clothes. What else do I need?”

“Look like a bag of shit to me.”

“You want to walk?” I quipped, turning to glare at him.

There was a beat of silence and I could see Miya twitching like a child out the corner of my eye.

“What does yer house look like?”

Then I said something dumb.

“Wanna see?”

I don’t know why I asked, nobody had ever been to my apartment other than my family and even then, it required a lot of persuasion on their part. All Miya did was ask what it looked like and I was taking him. It only really dawned on me how much of a mistake it might be as I pulled up to the parking garage.

“I thought you said this building only had around ten apartments, why are there so many cars?” Miya quizzed, whipping his head around to look at all the cars.

“Well, four of them are mine if that gives you some sort of an idea.”

“You have five cars!”

“Yeah, but I only use two around you guys because I can’t handle the crap.

I parked next to the rest of my cars and climbed out to grab my bag. Miya looked like a kid in a candy store. He was spinning around on the spot, eyes wide and taking in all the cars.

“Pick your chin up off the floor, would you?” I snapped, thrusting his bag into his hand and leading him towards the elevator.

“Twentieth floor.” I stated once we were in and I’d typed in the code that only residents of the building had.

The elevator doors opened to the genkan and then there was a large set of double doors that lead to my home. We removed our shoes and I handed Miya a fresh pair of slippers to wear. I unlocked the door and pushed it open stepping aside to let Miya in.

I think his brain had short-circuited again because he just stood staring at my apartment in awe. I couldn’t really blame him; I was well aware that it was a nice place – that’s why I bought it. There were high ceilings, large floor to ceiling windows in the living room, a modern kitchen, spiral staircase etcetera, etcetera.

“Make yourself comfortable, neither of us have eaten so I’ll just whip something up quick if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, thanks Omi.”

Miya trailed behind me, mouth still agape, to the kitchen where he perched himself on the end of the breakfast bar.

“Drink?”

“Yeah, whatever you’re having.”

“Well, I’m being naughty and having wine because it pairs well with spaghetti. You sure you still want?”

“Definitely.” Miya chuckled. “Spaghetti, huh? I guess it makes sense that you’d be able to cook foreign cuisine but that doesn’t seem very innkeeping with our diet either.”

“It’s got lots of veggies as well as meat and we can have wholewheat pasta if you’re worried about your waistline.” I joked bobbing down to get the wine out of the cooler.

I got back up and pulled two glasses down from the rack above my head. We weren’t really supposed to indulge in alcohol all that often, especially something as rich as red wine but I’d argue that if I didn’t drink it, I would be off my game thinking about it.

I passed one of the glasses to Miya and told him to let it breathe for a moment, to which he responded telling me he wasn’t an idiot and knew how to drink wine. I rolled my eyes and began making dinner.

Throughout the entire process, Miya asked me repeated questions about my family, my childhood and anything that caught his eye in my apartment. At one point, he wandered off, only to come back with the faux fur blanket of the back of my couch wrapped around his shoulders. I wanted to swing for him and tell him it was rude to take without asking and that he was infecting it but he looked so cute curled up in it, I just smiled and carried on.

There was a weird tension in the air. We never spent time together and didn’t have it dissolve into an argument so I think perhaps we were both waiting for that tipping point where the shouting began. It was like we both didn’t want to ruin the evening so were having to fight our own instincts.

We remained pleasant whilst I cooked but once it was done, it suddenly became awkward. It was like we were both very aware that we were about to eat together for the first time and how weird that was. I don’t know what he was thinking but I was having an internal panic just about where to sit. Was the table, breakfast bar or sofa better?

“Can we sit in the living room?” Miya asked, cutting through the silence. “I like the view of the city.”

Thank god he asked because I was about to cry with worry.

“Sure, just don’t make a mess or I’ll kill you.”

Miya smiled and grabbed his food, along with his wine and headed to the sofa. He placed his drink down on the coffee table, took his slippers off and pulled his feet onto the seat. I rolled my eyes but did the same. Then Miya shuffled the blanket from around him and threw it over both of us.

“Yer place is really nice Omi-kun.”

“Hmm, you’ve said. I’m starting to think I might have been taking it for granted all this time.”

“I can take it off your hands if you want.”

“Sure, let me just go pack my stuff.” I responded, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

Miya tried once again to pry information out of me as we spoke but I insisted we talk about him instead. He told me a little bit about growing up with a twin and how he’s never experienced true privacy and has never lived alone, not even for a day.

That seemed so odd to me. Ever since I was a kid, my family were all too busy to spend any real time with me and I moved out at eighteen. Sure, I lived in the shared house from time to time, but solitude was the natural thing for me. I couldn’t imagine having someone by my side always. 

I’d been so busy contemplating what that would be like, I hadn’t fully been paying attention to the questions I was asking.

“Hmm, the one place I’d love to visit?” Miya repeated. “Oh, there’s this park, it’s not even that far and there are hundreds of blossom trees. I love the way it looks when it blooms and I’d love to take Aika one day. I’d do it now that it’s spring but Osamu doesn’t trust me with her yet. Maybe next year.”

I knew the park he was talking about; it truly was beautiful when it was in bloom and I could see Miya taking Aika there one day.

“Yeah, I’ve been there,” I began, replacing the bowl in my hand for my wine glass. “It’s really beautiful but I didn’t really get the chance to admire it. There were so many people I bolted almost immediately.”

“Maybe ya could go with me and Aika. There’s no bolting with a toddler around, she’d try and follow yer or cry that ya left.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I smiled.

Miya glanced up at the clock and his eyes grew wide. “Oh god, it’s pretty late. I should get go-”

Miya was cut off by the sharp ringing of my phone on the table. I saw the screen light up with Meian’s name and held my finger up to tell Miya to give me a moment.

“Where the hell are you two! It’s been hours and not so much as a word!” Meian yelled down the phone and I could hear some of the others snicker in the background.

“Shit, we only really just looked at the time. We came to mine to eat some dinner and just got caught up in talking.”

“Wait Miya is at your apartment and you’re talking!?”

I could hear a commotion in the background, several of them were asking Meian to repeat himself whereas Hinata was asking Miya to make a noise if he was in danger.

“Yes, and we’re both fine. No Hinata we aren’t arguing, no Bokuto we’re not, not fighting because I’ve already killed him. Miya would you just say hello so they believe me.”

I put the phone on speaker and held it towards Miya. “Hinata I’m fine. Stop worrying the lot of yer.”

“Okay, well what time are you coming back?” Meian asked.

“Well, I was just-” Miya began.

“Miya’s going to stay the night. I don’t want to go back and it’s not fair to send him on his own.”

“Oh. Well, okay. As long as you’re sure Sakusa. One of us could pick him up?”

“What so that you know where I live, no thank you. He might look like one but he’s not actually a stray dog I think I can cope.”

“Goodnight then, I think.” Meian tested.

I responded with the same pleasantries before hanging up the phone and grabbing the dishes to take through to the kitchen.

“Omi.” Miya called after me as I walked towards the kitchen.

I ignored him and carried on, rinsing the dishes and opening the dishwasher.

“Omi.”

I continued, humming as I went to drown out his pleas.

“Sakusa!”

I sighed and dropped the dishes in the sink, before turning to look at Miya. I picked a towel up and dried my hands off as I cocked a brow at him, inviting him to talk.

“What the shit? You and I both know I was about to offer to go home, why’d you cut me off and practically force me to stay here?”

I rolled my eyes and turned back around to finish what I was doing.

“Omi, why are you making me stay?” He asked again as I put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.

“I don’t know!” I yelled, slamming the thing closed and turning back around. “Nothing is keeping you here Miya if you want to leave then leave. I will even drive you.”

“I don’t want to leave.”

“Then what are you kicking a fuss up for!?”

“I just wanna know why it’s not like ya. That’s all.”

“Not like me!?” I questioned, my voice still raised, as I walked past him to get my wine from the coffee table. “In the five years I’ve lived here, you’re the only person outside my family I’ve let in. You’re the only person I’ve ever given a ride to other than Komori and you are the first person I’ve ever cooked for. I don’t even cook for my mum on her birthday.”

“Omi I’m flattered but I still don’t understand, if anything I’m more confused.” His voice was softer than mine and it was strange that he wasn’t pushing it to an argument like usual.

“What I’m trying to say is that I know it’s not like me and I don’t know why I’m doing this! You wind me up more than anyone I’ve ever met and yet I crave being around you! You’ve got a dumb face and shitty hair but I cannot get you out of my head so when Meian asked what we were doing I just said it because I want you to stay you fucking prick!”

I didn’t know it was possible but I had rendered Miya Atsumu speechless. He stood staring at me, dumbfounded and processing the information. Whilst, I waited for his response, I necked the rest of my wine, resting it on an end table and leant against the large windows of my living room, letting the cool feel soak through my shirt.

When I really began to panic that I’d messed up and that Miya would start yelling any minute, he stepped closer to me. Then he was moving towards me with relative haste. I was sure he was going to hit me, almost positive. I braced myself for the impact but it never came.

Instead, Miya stretched both hands out, as though he was going to cup my face before freezing them in mid-air like he wasn’t sure anymore.

“Miya.”

“Would you just shut up for one second!” Miya snapped, his hands still up.

“I was just quiet for like thirty, idiot.”

“Thirty more then.”

So, I closed my mouth and Miya’s hands finally rested on my cheeks.

“Kiyoomi, you proud bastard. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Am I allowed to talk now?”

Miya looked unimpressed.

“Because I didn’t know until this morning when you sprayed milk out of your nose.”

“That’s what did it for ya? Not my unparalleled beauty?”

“Hey, would you look at that, I’m straight now.” I deadpanned. 

“Can I kiss you Omi-kun?”

I nodded, even though I was terrified. I’d never held anyone’s hand, let alone kiss someone.

Miya leant in, his hands moving to loop around my neck whilst mine rested on his waist. His lips met mine and it was like a surge of anxiety, but not quite. My body was on edge and alive with electricity the same it was during an anxiety attack but I felt calm and warm.

I had no idea what I was doing and I’m sure I was doing it wrong but Miya never let on. He wasn’t as dumb as he came across, he would have known it was my first kiss. It was definitely clumsy, not just on my part and the slight stubble of his face scratched a little but it was good. 

I hadn’t expected his lips to be so soft or for the movement of kissing to feel so natural and fluid. It was like my body had already done it a million times; it knew exactly which way to move. It wasn’t perfect but it was as easy as breathing.

We finally broke apart when my back bumped against the glass behind me and I almost jumped out of my skin. Miya laughed and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit. It was all completely stupid and funny; I was kissing Miya and he was kissing me too.

Miya must have been thinking the same because he began laughing too. “Oh my god! We just kissed!”

“We did! We barely even shouted at each other too. Who are we?”

“Well, ya yelled a little.” Miya hiccupped between laughs, resting his hands on my chest.

“I’m sorry, I promise to yell a lot less.” I smiled, pulling him closer.

“No, keep yelling. Yer hot when yer mad.” His right hand reached up to play with a lock of my hair whilst that signature smirk spread across his face.

“Really?” I breathed, leaning down to capture his lips once again.

I felt him hum against my lips and tighten his arms around my neck. I welcomed the glass behind me, glad to have something that would stabilise me when it felt like my knees were going to give out. It felt like the air around us was getting hot and I couldn’t tell if it was anxiety, this kissing or the prospect of where it could lead that was making breathing so difficult.

I needed to break away, to breathe and to stop myself from spiralling but it felt so good, so comforting that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Eventually, when I was sure I wouldn’t last much longer, Miya broke us apart.

“Omi-omi,” He whined, panting in shallow breaths. “Can we go to bed?”

It was my brain’s turn to short-circuit that time. Bed with Miya. It seemed so foreign yet sounded so right. I had the vaguest clue of what he really meant and I was apprehensive of the situation. Obviously, I had never done that and my general aversion to human contact meant I couldn’t even stand to watch others do it. I pictured it in my head, being coached through the entire thing like a kid learning to ride a bike and cringed a little.

Still, Miya was stood in front of me with his lopsided smile that was swollen because of me, a chest that was heaving in an attempt to refill also because of me and cheeks that were tinted pink – once again, my fault. Just the sight of him was enough to reassure me that no matter how awkward and uncomfortable the scenario could be, it was one I wanted to be a part of.

I scooped Miya up, his legs going around my waist and my hands gripping under his thighs as I practically ran towards the stairs. Miya giggled and wrapped his arms around my head, resting his cheek against the top of it. I wasn’t sure why it felt so natural but it did. Why hadn’t we been doing it the whole time?

For the first time in five years, I cursed my room for being at the end of the hall but the way Miya’s eyes lit up when I footed the door open made the extra few feet worth it.

“Omi! This place is like a mansion of its own!” He wiggled out of my grasp and ran over to the big windows that looked out over the same view as the living room ones. “You can see the whole city from up here!”

“Well not quite.” I teased, coming up behind him and peaking over his shoulder.

To be honest, until he’d pointed it out, I had never really noticed just how amazing the view was and how you could see every little spec of life despite being twenty-one floors up.

Miya tore himself away from the window to spin around my room. It was simple, mainly white interior with blue accents. I didn’t do mess or clutter so there was a definite minimalist feel to the room but Miya looked at it like it was filled with gold.

When his eyes fell upon my bed, his eyes turned wicked. It was a super king with a memory foam mattress and silk, royal blue covers. Plenty of ‘rolling around space’ and the mattress to ‘support all positions’ as my brother so delicately put it.

Miya grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down onto it with such force that I thought he could possibly prove my brother wrong for a moment.

“Hmmm, so many things to try.” Miya smirked, looking down at me from his perch on my chest.

“I got time.” I quipped back.

It was the sunlight that woke me up the next morning. Usually, I’d pull the curtains across before bed but I ended up being a little bit pre-occupied and fell asleep with them open. I blinked a couple of times to adjust my eyes to the light and let the warmth of the sun wash over me.

Gentle snoring to my left alerted me to the fact that Miya was still there. It wasn’t that I minded him being there, I would never have kicked him out after everything, it was more the fact that it solidified everything that had happened. I’d let him into my home, I let him into my bed.

‘Oh fuck, we had sex!’ I thought, turning so that I could look at the blonde.

He was rolled onto his back, his hair all over and his mouth agape a little. The comforter had slipped down to his waist and I could see everything; the strong arms, the broad shoulder, abs, v-line, it was all on display. There were plenty of hickeys trailing across him too, starting at his collarbones and dipping down to places covered by the blanket.

I felt the back of my neck burn and the hair on my arms stand up as I thought back to the night before and littering hickeys down Miya’s form, marking next to the freckles that I found especially cute. I remembered how he blushed and hid his face until I pulled his hands away. Then I remembered the moaning and the way he breathed heavily underneath me, pulling me closer with his legs.

I swatted the thoughts away quickly and sprang out of my bed. What was I thinking? How was I ever supposed to look Miya in the eyes again, let alone speak to him? I ran my hands up my face and through my hair like I was trying to force the thoughts out of my body.

I could see Miya stirring a little and decided it would probably be best that I covered myself up. Sure, he’d seen me naked but only under dim lighting, I didn’t need this.  
As I finished pulling on my underwear, Miya stretched wide and scrunched his eyes tight before finally opening them.

“Mornin” He groaned, his shoulders popping.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby. Didn’t expect to be waking up alone though. Do ya have no class Omi-omi?” Miya teased.

“I’m two feet away, idiot.”

“Yeah, and would ya look at that, yer cleaning. Ever the predictable.”

“Not cleaning, tidying. Besides, I’m sure you’d want your clothes back at some point.” I stated, picking his clothes up off the floor and flinging his shirt at him.

I paced the rest of the clothes on the edge of the bed with my own and headed over to my dresser to grab underwear for Miya. I chucked those at him too and told him to put them on.

“Now, ya making me cover-up, ya couldn’t seem to get it off fast enough last night.”

“Stop playing games Miya. Practice is in two hours so don’t go back to sleep. I’ll make us some breakfast but I’m going to shower first.”

“Can I join?” Miya asked, springing up in the bed.

I stood in the bathroom door and glared at him. Who was he to invite himself into my shower?

“Come on.” I groaned, turning and entering the bathroom.

Miya let out a small cheer and I heard him run in after me. I was stood in front of the mirror when he entered and wrapped his arms around my waist, his head resting on my shoulder.

“Sorry about yer back.” He mumbled.

“Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“Got a little claw happy.” There was a definite grin on his face and not a single sign of remorse despite his words.

“Of course, you did.”

“Like yer one to talk. I look like a fucking dot-to-dot.” 

“Yeah, if you join them up it spells out ‘bottom’” I joked.

“Alright, fuck off. I ain’t showering with ya no more.” Miya complained, going to leave the room.

“No don’t be like that.” I said, catching his wrist and pulling him closer. “I think it’s cute that you talk all big until the bedroom door is closed.”

“Yer a dick.”

“You love it.” I grinned.

We ended up being late to practice. Showering took a considerable amount of time and I had to kick Miya out in the end, in favour of proper hygiene. By the time we’d had breakfast, we had ten minutes so I had to throw all our clothing from the day before in the wash and lend some to Miya so that he’d actually have something to wear.

The coach scolded us when we got to practice and we had to stand in front of him like two overgrown toddlers, with our heads down as we apologised numerous times. The second he let us go, it was like a switch had flicked between me and Miya. We went back to our regular selves, winding each other up and behaving like we hadn’t been doing exactly what we had been.

“It’s nice to see you in higher spirits, Miya!” Meian cheered, slapping his back.

Miya let out a strangled scream and clutched his back as he glared at Meian, then at me.

“Oh, shit sorry, does your back still hurt.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

I laughed into the back of my hand and continued spiking balls so Hinata could receive them.

“So, you two really didn’t fight all night?” Hinata asked, bouncing the ball off his arms.

“Well, I yelled once but other than that we were fine. We only have problems cause he’s a flashy little shit who wants attention. When it’s just the two of us he has nobody to play up for.”

“God, you sound like his dad. What’d you yell at him for?”

My brain scrambled for the first thing I could. “He put his feet on the sofa.”

“Wow, you really sound like his dad.”

“Shut up and lock your arms would ya, these are going everywhere.”

“Omi-san!” Hinata laughed. “You just said ‘ya’! Miya must really be rubbing off on you.”

“Oh, you have no idea, Hinata.” Miya added, chipping in to the conversation from where he was chatting with Meian.

Hinata looked a little confused but laughed along, whilst I straightened up and glared at Miya. I knew my cheeks were likely bright red and I prayed that everyone assumed I was just warm.

That was the last Miya spoke to me for the rest of practice. I was used to him not talking, we’d never been friends before all this so it would be weird if we were suddenly closer than he was with anyone else. Still, he was giving me nothing and it was bugging me a little.

I was confident that neither of us wanted to tell the team but I didn’t expect it to be swept under the rug so quickly and I definitely didn’t expect to care so much. I kept on with practice, doing my receives and serves, even a couple of sets all while holding out hope that when we were alone, Miya would talk to me.

We practised few a few extra hours than planned, in exchange for no evening practice and by the end, my muscles were screaming at me. It was one of the rare times I was grateful for my phobia as it meant I could get to the showers quicker and start easing the aches.

“I’m going to go shower.” I informed Meian, gesturing to the locker room before turning around.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” He smiled. “Hey, Miya, you should go too if your back is still bothering you.”

Miya agreed and I carried on towards the door so that it wouldn’t seem as though I was waiting for him. I couldn’t help the slight bubbly feeling in my stomach as I went. I’d waited for the entire practice to be alone with Miya and it was coming sooner than expected.

I took my time at my locker, checking my phone, grabbing my stuff, then checking my phone again. As I was placing my phone back in the locker, the door swung open and Miya walked in. I smiled at him and he gave me a lopsided one back but continued to his locker.

I waited for him to come up to me or say something but he just grabbed his things and headed to the showers. My heart twinged a little like someone had pinched it.  
I grabbed my stuff and went to the shower cubicle that put the most distance between Miya and myself. I was searing with something; I wasn’t sure if it was anger or sadness but I knew my feelings were hurt and that Miya was playing some kind of game he forgot to tell me the rules of.

Miya began humming a song I didn’t recognise and as I was about to tell him to talk to me or shut up, I heard Bokuto come through the door, chanting nonsense. Miya’s water stopped and I heard him exit the shower.

“Bokkun!”

“Tsum-tsum!”

I didn’t understand their enthusiasm, they saw each not ten minutes before so why all the excitement? Then it occurred to me that, possibly, Miya was telling me exactly the reason why he hadn’t spoken to me. Bokuto or someone else could have walked in at any time so he was probably just being careful, right?

I mentally slapped my over-thinking brain and finished my shower, exiting the block to find Miya on his phone and everyone else preparing to shower.

“Need a ride home?” I asked, opening my locker and grabbing my clothes.

“No, I’m good thanks. Bokuto is taking me.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

Miya looked up from his phone and smiled at me, the kind of smile that didn’t reach his eyes. It wasn’t sad or apologetic, it was fake. I was really confused about what was going on between us at that point and finished getting ready in silence, ignoring everyone – even when they pestered me.

I left without saying goodbye and headed straight for my apartment. I was frustrated to see how much of a state we had left it in. The dishwasher was full with the dinner dishes and the breakfast dishes sat on the side, the wine glasses were still in the living room, the clothes in the washer and the bed wasn’t made. I didn’t even want to think about how much of a deep clean the bathroom needed.

I started by emptying the dish-washer, then reloading it with the breakfast dishes. Next, I cleaned the wine glasses by hand so they wouldn’t streak before putting them away. As I went to the laundry room, I saw that Miya had folded the throw blanket wrong so I fixed that before switching the clothes from the washer to the dryer.

When downstairs was looking okay, I stripped the bedding and changed it, making sure everything was fluffed out perfectly. The hard part came next as I felt that I had to scrub every single tile of the bathroom by hand when in reality it was only the floor of it and maybe the screen that had been disturbed.

Once that was done and I’d put the old bedding in the washer, took the clothes out the dryer and folded them and also cleared away the breakfast pots, I finally felt at ease. It was like I had erased every bit of evidence that Miya had ever stepped foot into my home.

I looked across to where his clothes were folded on my end table, ready to go to the house with me and suddenly my skin felt itchy. Everything still felt too Miya-ish.

The logical part of my brain knew what was happening, that I was beginning the spiral that led to an anxiety attack but I didn’t care enough to go through my steps and stop it. Instead, I pulled the throw blanket off the sofa and added that to the wash with the bedding. Then I tore about my house disinfecting anything that he did or could have touched.

The slippers and toothbrush he used were binned and I cleaned all the plates and glasses he’d used once again. I felt panicked and uncomfortable just looking at my place and after the third clean of it all, I finally broke down.

I slumped against the shower wall that I’d just cleaned and sunk to the floor. My lungs burned like fire and my throat dried out, large sobs left my mouth as tears streamed down my face and I tried to regain a steady breathing pace.

It wasn’t the first cleaning-induced anxiety attack I’d had but that one felt worse. I’d opened myself up and let someone into the life I fought to keep private, only to be kicked to the curb a few hours later. It hurt and I didn’t understand it. Had I been too open? Too forward? Did Miya use me for sex?

There were a lot of possibilities, one’s I’d never even had to consider before. They made my brain ache and my heart slam against my ribs each time I thought up a new horrible possibility.

When the tears finally stopped and my breathing was better, not normal but better, I picked myself up off the floor. I knew I’d have to go back to the house at some point but before I did, I need to cool off.

So, I did the only thing that I knew would work. My therapist repeatedly told me to find a new coping strategy but it worked for me so why should I? I stripped my clothes off and turned on the shower, letting the lukewarm water cascade down my body and pull out everything.

It was both literally and metaphorically cleansing for me. I would do it after every attack because it seemed to numb me and stop me feeling whatever it was, I’d been feeling. My therapist wanted me to do something that wouldn’t make me close myself off again but instead open up constructively, I told him to get fucked.

Upon leaving the shower, my phone buzzed on my bedside table. I walked across to it and saw a message in the group chat that asked if I was going to be home for dinner. I told them not to wait for me and to just do what they wanted, which was protested by Hinata and Tomas but I ignored the messages in favour of getting dressed.

Me and my sister may not have been close growing up, but there was one thing that she taught me; joggers fixed every bad mood. I grabbed my favourite grey pair that were more expensive than I’d ever admitted but fluffy inside and pulled them on. I instantly felt relaxed, maybe it’s a placebo effect but it works.

I wasn’t really bothered about looking presentable so threw on a blue hoodie and pushed my hair back with a headband. Sometimes, I didn’t feel like having my hair down, it just seemed to add to the anxiety. I lounged in my apartment for another hour, letting the familiarity of it calm my nerves until I finally set off for the house. 

It was a little after seven when I arrived and the house was pretty quiet. Apparently, Bokuto and Hinata had gone for a run seen as there was no practice and everyone else was just enjoying their night off, at least that’s what Tomas told me.

As I turned to head for my room, Tomas called out for me to wait.

“Are you okay?” He asked, stepping closer.

I liked Tomas, I honestly did, but I preferred not to talk to him. There weren’t many people I knew personally that were taller than me but he was one of them and I didn’t like the way I had to raise my head slightly. On top of that, he was so nice, it felt like talking to a dad.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad day, needed to be home for a couple of hours.”

“Okay, I totally get that but you know I’m not stupid, right? I don’t think anyone else has noticed and I won’t say a thing because for now, it isn’t a problem, but you need to talk to Miya. Sort out whatever it is you two have going on.”

I looked at him dumbfounded, how had he realised all of that from one practice.

“Me and Miya are always fighting.”

“Not silently. It’s freaking me the fuck out.”

“Fine. I’ll talk to him but I won’t promise results.”

“That’s fine. I’ll just tell the coach that we have a problem.” He shrugged, turning to go to the kitchen.

“I’ll go talk to him now! Jesus.” I scrambled, making Tomas chuckle. “Just don’t talk to coach. I don’t need my balls busting for a second time today.”

With that I left, heading to Miya’s room with hesitant steps.

His door seemed even more intimidating than the first time like it was taunting me to go in and face whatever version of Miya was on the other side. I knocked twice and waited a second before I opened the door a crack and popped my head in.

I’d seen a lot of Miya, arguably too much, but I never expected to see what I saw when I opened the door. Miya was sat at his desk, laptop open, wearing a crop-top, holding a vabo-chan plushie that he was making dance for his niece on the other end of the video call. It was the oddest thing I’d ever seen and I contemplated walking out and coming back in another five years.

“Oh, omi-kun! What are yer doing here?” Miya asked, placing the plush down and turning in his chair a little.

“I was just bringing you your clothes.” I said, gesturing to the bag in my hand.

“Well, I won’t be a minute. Do ya want to say hi to Aika-chan?”

My eyes grew wide, I was awful with kids and I was sure being virtual wouldn’t make it any easier.

“Don’t pull that face, say hello.”

I sighed and dropped my bag on the floor, pulling my mask off as I made my way over to Miya’s desk. I dropped down into a squat next to Miya’s chair and smiled at the little girl on the other side of the call. 

She was very cute; all big eyes and honey blonde hair that she wore in two pigtails. I lifted my hand and gave her a wave. I could see Suna behind her lift her arm and help her wave back.

“Are ya gonna say hello Aika?” Osamu cooed, stroking her cheek lovingly.

Aika gave the tiniest “Hi” before instinctively curling into her Dad.

Me and Miya both gave simultaneous coos and melted into puddles at the sight. She really was a sweetheart.

“It’s okay baby,” Suna encouraged. “He doesn’t bite. Isn’t his hair pretty?”

Aika nodded meekly and lifted a hand to her own hair. “Daddy, I want his hair too.” She demanded, sitting up a little bit taller and moving towards the screen.

I saw her lift a chubby hand to poke at the screen and I could only assume she was tracing my hair.

“Maybe when yer older darling.” Osamu cut in, picking the little girl up into his arms and out of view.

Suna explained that they should get her to bed before it got much later and Miya wished them goodnight. I smiled and gave a polite goodbye before standing up to get Miya’s clothes.

As I moved towards the bag, I noticed his bed wasn’t made and couldn’t help but smirk that he could be so neat but not make his bed. It was irritating me slightly but who was I to move his things, I was there to play nice after all.

Miya hung up the call and closed his laptop, moving it to the side before standing up to meet me by his bed.

“Stuff’s there for you.” I said, gesturing to where I’d placed the pile at the foot of his bed. “It’s all clean and dry. I won’t take offence if you clean it again but I just thought I’d tell you.”

“No, this is fine. Thank you, Omi.”

“It’s nothing.”

There was an awkward silence and I contemplated leaving until the coach’s pissed face went through my mind and I remembered what I had to do.

“So, crop tops huh?” I teased, nodding at Miya’s exposed stomach.

“They’re convenient.” He blushed. “Saves me pulling my shirt up whenever I use a heat pack on my back. Besides, I happen to look amazing.”

“Whatever you say, Miya.”

“Hey, so, last night-”

“Forget it. You’re clearly not interested so let’s not drag it out into a whole thing.”

“When did I say that?”

“You’ve been saying it all day. You ignored me the entirety of practice, then in the locker rooms, you don’t want a ride home, then you didn’t text me to ask where I was.”

Miya looked at me like I was speaking Spanish. “Omi-kun, where ya actually bothered by all that? I thought ya wouldn’t want to address it around the others and I thought ya were pissed because of what I said to Shouyou. I didn’t want to push any boundaries with you.”

“Of course, I was bothered!” I snapped, not because I was mad at him but because I was pissed that I’d deep-cleaned my house thrice for nothing.

“Don’t tell me Omi, do yer like me?” He cocked his head to the side and leant forward to look up at me, teasingly.

“No.” I lied, feeling the heat creep up my neck.

“Really? That is a shame.” Miya purred, stepping closer to me and resting his hands on my chest as he leant up so that his mouth was by my ear. “Cause I like ya a lot Omi-omi.”

His breath fanned across my ear in a hot burst and I instinctively grabbed at his waist, my eyes fluttering a little.

“Shit. You really do look amazing in this, Miya.” I breathed.

“I know.”

Our lips met and Miya’s hands went straight to my hair, pulling the headband out and letting the curls fall so he could grab fistfuls of it.

“Stay with me tonight Omi.” Miya begged, looking at me with large eyes.

I nodded and found his lips again, pushing him back until we toppled onto the bed.

“Why do you tidy everything but your bed?” I complained, breaking away from the kiss.

“No point in making it when I can expect to get jumped at any point is there?” He joked, pulling me down next to him.

“Still, it’s not neat.”

“Just once, have a little fun, hmm?”

“Oh, crumpled bedsheets! So much fun!” I fake cheered, looking at him with a flat expression.

Miya cackled and rolled onto his side so that he could look at me.

“Omi-kun?”

“Hmm?” I asked, tilting my head to look at him.

“Be my boyfriend?”

“Do I have to?” I whined.

“Yer a fucking prick, ya know that?” He cried, jabbing me with his foot until I almost came off the bed.

I crawled back up it so that I was hovering over him. “I’d be honoured to be your boyfriend, asshole.”

Miya leant up and placed a chaste kiss to my lips, dropping back down to smile at me.

“Is this the point I tell ya I don’t want to be yer boyfriend?” He smirked.

I grabbed a pillow from my right and smacked him over the face with it, holding it there for a second like I was going to suffocate him.

“Prick.”

It was weird waking up in Miya’s bed the next day. It took my brain a moment to comprehend where I was and another minute to realise, I was alone in the bed. Thursday was gym day, meaning that we didn’t have to practice volleyball, so long as we did an extended session at the gym. Some days we opted to practice but I knew that after a night off, the team would ride the wave of procrastination and go to the gym instead.

That’s what made it especially odd that Miya wasn’t in his bed. He liked a late evening gym session because it was quieter so he did not need to get out of bed in the morning. I rolled to look at the clock and saw that it was 5:30. There was really no need for him to be up so early.

I stretched and climbed out of the bed, going to grab my joggers from the floor, when I saw that they were missing. I quickly checked around but saw they weren’t there. I sighed and cursed Miya in my head.

As I opened his bedroom door to poke my head out, I heard the familiar click of the door next to his unlocking as well. Before I could retreat back in, a head of messed black hair poked itself out of Hinata’s room and scanned the hallway as I had.

I locked eyes with the person and there was a moment where the air froze. We both decided that it was too late to act like nothing had happened and left our respective rooms. As we passed each other we smiled and nodded.

“Sakusa.”

“Kageyama.”

I heard him dash into the bathroom as I dipped into my own room in search of clothing. I grabbed a random pair of joggers from out of my closet and headed towards the kitchen, expecting that it would be where I’d find Miya.

As suspected, he was in the kitchen. It looked as though he was making coffee but was bent forward with his hands on the counter, stretching his back.  
“Morning.” I greeted, placing a careful hand on his back and making him jump.

“Oh, Omi-kun! I didn’t hear ya come in.” He smiled.

“Where’d you go?” I whined wrapping my arms around him as he stood up straight.

“I thought I’d make us some coffee.”

“And you had to steal my joggers for that?”

“They just looked so soft; I couldn’t help myself. Don’t ya think I look good?”

“Unfair question, you always look good. That doesn’t change the fact I had to do a walk of shame out of your room. I ran into Kageyama coming out of Hinata’s room though.”

“Really?” Miya mused, turning in my arms and handing me my coffee. “Ya know Hinata’s secretly a right kinky little shit.”

“I dread to think.” I groaned stepping away from Miya and taking a good sip of my coffee, it was good.

“Yeah, try actually knowing. If I had to give my best guess, they’ve only just finished and Hinata probably sneaked him in after his run, with Bukoto’s help of course.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Well, you know what his stamina’s like.” Miya shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee.

As if on cue, the pair in question walked past the kitchen door with cautious steps and hushed voices.

“Mornin’” Miya offered, raising his mug to the pair.

They stopped in their tracks, eyes wide, before walking into the room with their heads down.

“Busy evening?” Miya teased, slurping his drink as I tried not to choke on my own.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Hinata quipped, then I did choke.

“Kageyama you rat!” I glared.

He just shrugged and gestured to Hinata like it was totally obvious he’d tell him. Hinata reached to grab himself some coffee and offered some to Kageyama who just took a sip out of his.

“Asshole.”

“Well, isn’t this lovely? Just a bunch of sluts enjoying their morning coffee together.” Miya smiled.

“Do you always have to be so vulgar?”

Before he could answer, we heard the faint noise of Meian’s alarm going off. He always had it on full volume and I felt for everyone who shared a wall with him.

As if it was an air-raid siren, we all scattered. Hinata quickly ushered Kageyama in the direction of the front door, telling him that if he didn’t move faster, he’d be climbing out the window. Meanwhile, I grabbed Miya’s hand and pulled him in the direction of his room, shoving him in seconds before Meian’s door began to open.

Miya climbed onto his bed, tucking his legs under him and cupping his mug in his hand.

“Any plans for today?” I asked, sitting down next to him and stretching my legs out onto the mattress.

“Off to visit Osamu. I always do on Thursdays.”

“So that’s where you disappear to.”

“Yeah. It’s why I train so late too; he keeps me until they put Aika down and then we usually have a proper chat that isn’t interrupted by crying or baby-talk. Plus, he stuffs me with food so I have to get extra hours in.”

“I always assumed you trained late because it was quiet.”

“That too.”

I hummed in approval and took another sip of my drink, contemplating what I could do with my day.

“You didn’t want to come did you?”

“Oh, no it’s fine. It’s your day with your brother, I could never impose. I’ve got some errands to run anyway.”

A small lie. I did have no errands planned but I was sure once I got out, I’d figure something out.

“Okay then but before either of us go anywhere, can we go back to bed?”

“God yes.”

So, we both placed our mugs down on the bedside tables and climbed under the covers, curling into each other and dozing off into a few more hours sleep. As sleep began to take over, I thought of Hinata and how much it must suck for him that he never got to do it with Kageyama. I was sure they’d been dating for years if the chemistry between them during matches was anything to go by, but it must take a toll on them that they couldn’t have the fluffy moments too.

We slept for a few hours, waking up at 7:30 and going our separate ways to get ready. I took a shower, spending extra time on my hair that Miya had managed to tangle into a mess. I naturally went to grab more joggers and another hoodie, when I thought that it would be a nice change of pace to actually get dressed and not look like I was leaving the gym.

I settled on a turtle neck and a nice pair of trousers, paired with my trench coat and I’d throw on some sneakers before I left. It was a little dressier than what I would usually wear but there was somewhere I wanted to stop by, which would be much easier done well dressed.

As I left my room and walked down the hallway, I thought about stopping by Miya’s room to check on him. I paused outside his room but it was silent on the other side so I assumed he’d left already. I went to set off, when the door opened and Miya walked out, straight into me.

“Omi-kun!” He smiled.

I didn’t respond, not because I didn’t want to but because my brain was lagging a little bit. Miya was stood in front of me wearing pale blue jeans and an oversized purple jumper that fell past his hands. Finally, I choked out a response.

“Woah.”

Miya shuffled his feet and looked down, pink tinting his cheeks. “Shut up, I just threw on whatever. I can’t wear anything nice cause Aika will ruin it.”

“No, I was saying woah as in you look terrible.”

I felt a sharp smack to the top of my arm and Miya’s glare pierced into my soul.

“Yeah, well what about you? You look like a right pompous prat.”

“I thought you said I should look like I’m rich?”

“Yeah rich, not delicious.”

“Which is it, Miya? Do I look like a prat or delicious?”

“Both.” He grinned. “Hold on a second actually.”

He disappeared into his room and I could hear him rifling through something. I stepped just past the doorway and poked my head around the door to see what he was doing. He was on his tiptoes, reaching for a box on the top shelf of his closet, which he pulled down and placed on a lower shelf to open.

Eventually, he pulled out a long necklace that had a small dagger on the end. He tucked the box away and turned back towards me.

“Here.” He said, reaching to place the necklace over my neck and fix it under the collar of my jumper. “Perfect.”

I grasped the small dagger in my hand and looked at Miya puzzled. “Thank you.”

“Keep it, won't ya? It pulls the whole outfit together. Plus, if ya unscrew the handle, it’s also a cocaine spoon.”

“Of course, it is.” I rolled my eyes but chuckled all the same.

It was completely typical for Miya to own a necklace that was also a cocaine spoon, despite the fact he’s never touched the stuff in his life.

We walked together, to the front door, chatting briefly about what we planned to do before Hinata ran up to. He asked where we off and Miya explained it all.

“Oh Omi, would you mind if I came along with you? I’ll drive as a thank you.”

I thought about it for a moment. I was kind of embarrassed about where I was going and I wasn’t thrilled about driving in Hinata’s car. He was a sweet guy but messier than anyone I’d ever met.

“I just had my car cleaned and I won’t take offence if you clean it before you get in.” Hinata beamed like he could read my mind.

The smile was too much for my heart and I found myself caving.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

Hinata cheered and Miya looked completely shocked. He mouthed to me asking if I was sure and I nodded. I hated how personable Miya was making me but whilst I was feeling up to it, it only seemed fair to indulge the little carrot top.

Hinata pulled on his shoes and the three of us left. We headed to the car garage, Hinata and myself splitting one way whilst Miya went another. Before we parted, Miya grabbed my wrist, pulled my mask down and kissed me, telling me to have a good day. I flushed and pulled my mask back up, ignoring Hinata’s giggles as we headed to his car. 

We set off in comfortable silence and we were almost to the shopping district when Hinata finally piped up.

“Miya, huh? It makes so much sense and none all at the same time.”

“I feel the exact same way.” I groaned, fluffing my hair up.

“I was a little shocked when Kags told me but then I was like duh of course they are! I’m happy for you though, and it’s nice to not be the only one in a secret relationship.”

“What about Bokuto and Akaashi?”

“Please, that’s the nations worst kept secret. A news article listed them as fiancés the other day.”

I chuckled and nodded in agreement. Bokuto was far too enthusiastic to ever keep that relationship properly under wraps.

Hinata pulled his car into a space and as we climbed out, asked me where I’d planned on going. I said that I didn’t have many places in particular to visit but would appreciate it if we could visit the west sector at some point. Hinata laughed and told me it was fine and that I shouldn’t be so polite seen as he’d crashed my day.

It confused me how someone could be so overwhelmingly positive all of the time but his general personality put me at ease. He was a very easy person to be around and hours could pass but you wouldn’t notice around him.

We spent the morning running Hinata’s errands, before stopping off for lunch somewhere that Ushijima had recommended to Kageyama, who later took Hinata, who recommended it to me. Honestly, I didn’t need the chain of events that lead me to sitting at what looked like a lunch date with the ginger, but at least it has Ushijima’s stamp of approval.

To nobody’s surprise, the lunch was really good. I trusted Hinata to order for me which I regretted when my plate was placed down in front of. However, it turned out that sweet and savoury could be improved with a small amount of spice and I was thankful I’d trusted him after my first bite.

We ate until we almost felt sick, the food coma looming over us. Then we paid the bill and rolled ourselves out of the restaurant towards the west sector. I almost said let’s forget it and go home because I felt so warm inside and all I wanted to do was sleep but I could sense Hinata’s curiosity about where I was going.

I’d picked up a few bits whilst shopping already but the west sector was where I had in mind when I left the house. It was the higher-end sector of the shopping district and was where I was ashamed to admit that I did most of my shopping.

Hinata expressed that he only really went at Christmas or birthdays when he wanted to get something really nice for his family or Kageyama. He also informed me that he’d spent over 429.5 thousand yen on a handbag for his sister the previous Christmas, only to be told that she would never use it and just keep it on display.

“I almost killed her. I felt like getting the receipt and screaming the price at her until she agreed to use it.” Hinata chuckled.

“I don’t really do presents with my siblings. They’re in a position to buy whatever they need so it would be a pointless errand. We usually do something stupid like a slinky.”

“That’s nice though, at least they have entertainment for a rainy day.”

“My brother doesn’t have stairs.” I smirked.

Hinata let out a cackled of laughter and clutched his sides as we walked. “Omi-san, you really are evil!”

I laughed too because it was true, I was rotten to my brother but it was all out of love.

I was so caught up in talking to Hinata that we almost walked past where I wanted to go. I called his name and gestured to the store. His eyes widened a little bit and his mouth went slack as he stared up at the doors.

“Here?”

“Yes, here.”

Hinata followed in behind me like a little kid, staring at the lights and all the clothes, like they were made of gold. In all fairness, the lights probably were.

“Hey Omi, that looks like your coat. Aren’t those the shoes you had on? Wait, those are the joggers you always have on.” Hinata rambled.

Soon, it all hit him and he looked at me with the widest expression of glee I had ever seen.

“If you never mention it to anyone, I will buy you something.” I bribed, heading towards the joggers.

That really set Hinata off. He wandered around the store like a lost puppy, admiring all the clothes and trying to decide what it was he would ask for. Meanwhile, I had a poor shop assistant who had stupidly volunteered to help me, carrying my favourite joggers – one in every colour.

I then went to look at the jewellery, choosing a silver necklace with a snake pendant. Finally, I went over to the women’s section and grabbed a cropped hoodie that had layered panels.

I asked the shop assistant to take it to the tills and went looking for Hinata. He was stood by the jackets with eyes of admiration but an uneasy look.

“Chosen anything?”

“Omi-san, these are all so expensive, I could never ask you to buy me one.”

“You didn’t ask – I bribed you. Now just pick your favourite and don’t look at the price because I won’t. I’ll even give you the receipt so I never have to know.”

“You’re a prince among men, Omi-san” Hinata beamed, going to hug me before remembering and giving me an enthusiastic thumbs up instead.

We took the jacket over to the till and put it with the rest of the stuff, letting the shop assistant run it through.

“You’re so lucky!” The shop assistant smiled at Hinata, folding the jumper.

“Oh-um, no, he’s not-we’re not-um” Hinata stuttered looking at me for help.

“He’s not my sugar baby is what he’s trying to say. Just a friend who I’m repaying for a favour.”

“Oh my gosh! I am so, so sorry! It’s just so common and it’s so rare for people to shop here as friends. Honestly, my sincerest apologies.” She scrambled.

“Oh, it’s fine honestly. I get the confusion; he is younger than me and so damn short.”

“Hey!” Hinata gasped, swatting the air by my arm.

“So, I’m guessing you would like a separate bag for the jacket.” The assistant offered.

“Yes please, if you wouldn’t mind.” 

As she finished packing our items, the final price flashed up on the back of the register and I could practically see Hinata’s eyes bug out of his head.

“Omi, I don’t make that in two months. Are you sure this is okay?”

“Are you joking? Half of this is for Miya, you’re the cheapest fake sugar baby I’ve ever had?”

“Has there been real ones?” Hinata teased.

“Just Miya.” I joked, hoping he could read my smile behind my mask.

“I’m telling him you said that.”

“Don’t. You know he’ll only get it put on a t-shirt.”

Hinata chuckled and I paid, taking the receipt from the assistant and placing it in Hinata’s bag without looking, as I’d promised. I opened my wallet to slip my card away and pulled out 15 thousand yen to hand to the assistant.

“Oh, we’re really not supposed to accept tips.” She blushed. “Thank you though.”

I grabbed a scrap of paper and pen from behind the till jotting down my name and work number. I passed her the note and the money once again.

“Please take it, you were a big help. If you get into trouble or anyone says anything just give us a call and I will smooth it over.” I pulled my mask down and smiled at her.

She thanked me several times as I left with Hinata in tow, this time clutching his bag tightly in both hands. It was comically large next to his frame but you spend big to walk around with a bag that says the brand name, right?

“Jeez Kiyoomi, just how much power do you have?”

“I encouraged my father to become one of the main sponsors of the Adlers.” I shrugged, hoping that was enough.

“Wait, wait. Your family contributes to my boyfriends pay and by extension, my presents?”

I hummed and nodded.

“Omg Omi, you literally own my life.”

“Well, me and Kenma.”

“Holy shit. Do you to get together behind our backs and talk about how great it is to own your friends?”

“Every Sunday and Wednesday.” I joked, turning in the direction of Hinata’s car.

The entire way back home, Hinata probed me with numerous questions about my life, especially my income. He’d mix it up and thank me to break up the constant questions but he had a lot to ask. I allowed him to ask them though and I did answer because at least he wasn’t asking them at the house.

When we pulled into the garage, I saw that Miya’s car was still missing and frowned.

“Don’t pull that face, you know he stays late.” Hinata chuckled, grabbing our bags from out of the back and handing me mine.

I knew he was right but it was still irritating. As we entered the house Inunaki, exited the kitchen and stopped in his tracks to look us up and down.

“Ooo would you look at that, a couple of big spenders in the hall. Where’d you get the money kiddos? Sugar daddies come through this month?”

“As it so happens, I’m Hinata’s sugar daddy.” I said dryly, stepping past him.

Hinata snorted and laughed, heading past after me.

“Omi-san thank you again. I’m gonna get changed and head to the gym if you wanted to come?”

“No thank you, I’ll wait for Miya.”

Hinata smiled one last time and bounded into his room with three large skips.

I walked to mine, dropping the bags on the floor the second I entered and flopped down onto my bed. I knew I’d have to go the gym later on but my legs and arms were already screaming at me, I didn’t know how Hinata did it.

I settled for reading a book to pass the time before Miya came home but I just found myself constantly twitching to look at the clock. Each second felt like an age and every time there was a slight movement in the hallway, I would sit up straight and listen intently for his voice. I was suddenly very aware of how my childhood dog felt.

When I finally heard his voice in the hallway, several hours later, I heard extra sets of footsteps along with his. Confused I got up and headed to his room, knocking and waiting for him to call me in. I kind of wished I’d found him with another man but instead I walked right into the midst of what looked like a family reunion.

Suna was sat on the desk chair with Aika whilst the twins occupied the bed. It’s awful but I was grateful that it was only the two of them on the bed, there some blankets a child just shouldn’t sit on.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll come back later.” I apologised, backing out the room.

“No, it’s okay.” Suna smiled. “Stay Kiyoomi, besides you’ve not properly met Aika yet, have you?”

I internally screamed, I felt that I’d barely made it through the video call alive, how was I expected to interact with an actual child, in person?

I entered the room and closed the door, walking over to Suna and bobbing down by the chair much like I had the night before.

“Hello.” I smiled, doing my best to muster my inner Hinata.

“Do you remember him, Aika? You said hello to him yesterday.” Suna encouraged.

“Pretty hair.” Aika giggled.

“Yes, that’s right. You liked my hair.” I said, reaching for a curl, pulling it and letting it boing back into place.

Aika giggled and reached out for my hair. I instinctively flinched a little and Suna must have noticed.

“No, Aika. You can’t touch Kiyoomi. Okay?”

The little girls face crumpled so bad and I felt like the biggest monster.

“No, no. It’s okay.” I smiled. Truth was, I rarely liked being around children, they were the grubbiest of all people but she looked so sweet and well looked after, I had to make an acceptation.

“Say thank you to Kiyoomi.” Osamu encouraged.

“Thank you Ke-kee-.” Aika was trying with my name but she clearly couldn’t manage it.

“You, sweetheart,” I began lifting Aika off Suna’s lap and into my arms. “Can call me Omi.”

“Omi, omi, omi.” She repeated, getting a feel for it. After a second of silence, she reached up for one of my curls and puled it, giggling as it bounced back. “Mi-mi!”

“Aww Omi, she gave you a nickname.” Miya smirked.

“Mi-mi, you mean.” Osamu added.

I glared at the pair of them, looking down at the girl in my arms. I don’t know why it came so naturally to me. I’d never wanted kids, never held my nieces or nephews, never went anywhere that could involve small children running riot. Yet, when it came to Aika, it was perfectly fine. I could have held her all day and I was starting to understand what Miya meant about having unconditional love for her. She just made it so easy.

I finally sat on the floor properly, leaving Aika in my lap so she could reach up and tug on a curl whenever she felt like it. Whilst she was occupied, the rest of us four chatted amongst ourselves. As it turned out, Suna’s volleyball team was doing very well and Osamu’s business had never been busier.

We continued talking for a couple of hours and eventually, Aika drifted off in my lap; curling into a small ball and nuzzling against my arm.

“Oh, my baby is asleep.” Osamu whispered, getting up off the bed to scoop the girl out of my arms.

“We should get her home.” Suna suggested. “Or she’ll keep us up all night.”

Osamu agreed and they both began saying their goodbyes. Miya gave them both a goodbye and kissed Aika’s forehead, before slapping my back.

“You better kiss her goodnight, or she’ll know.”

I wasn’t sure if he was lying but I’d do anything to stop that girls face crumpling up as it had before. I bent down and kissed her forehead, whispering goodnight and trying to not to let my focus drift to how close I was to Osamu. He was a good guy but he did work in a people-filled environment.

We saw them out and stood in the hallway looking up at the wall clock. The hand was inching closer and closer to eleven and I knew what we were both thinking.

“I don’t want to go to the gym.” I whined, burying my face in my hands.

“Oh thank god you said it, I would rather die than go right now.”

“Get up early and go then instead?”

“Definitely.” Miya groaned, colliding with my side and wrapping his arms around my middle as we walked.

“You know, if we’re even a little of our game tomorrow, coach is going to give us hell.”

“Well, then it’s settled, no sex tonight.”

I stopped and glared down at him.

“Fine, we’ll just quit the team.”

“That’s more like it.” I joked. I detached Miya from my side and stood him up straight. “Go into your room, I’ll be there in a moment, I have a surprise.”

“Is it a whip?”

“Shut up or I’ll return it.”

Miya held his hands up in surrender and backed into his room. As soon as he was behind the door, I sprinted to my room to grab the bag and bring it back with me. I cracked Miya’s door a little and told him to close his eye, which he did.

I walked over to where he was on his bed and placed the bag down in front of him.

“Okay, before you open them, you can’t get mad because it’s really nothing and I only got the idea when I walked past the store.”

That was a double lie. It was a big deal to me; I was very concerned with what he would think and I’d been sat on the idea since five in the morning.

Miya agreed to my conditions and I told him he could open his eyes. The second he had and his eyes focused on the bag in front of him, he looked up at me with glee, shock and anger.

“Oh my god Omi-omi! You didn’t spend a lot, did you?”

“Of course, I did but I don’t care. Now open it.”

Miya practically tore into the bag, pulling the piles of joggers out first, followed by the jumper.

“Omi!” He squealed. “Now I have loads of them in every colour.”

“You gotta share though” I teased, watching him frown and clutch them protectively.

He unfolded the jumper and laid it out, running his hands across the material.

“I love it so much, it’s incredible.”

“Well I know you find wearing them convenient for your heat packs and I like the way you look in them so it’s kind of for both of us.”

“I love them Omi-kun. Thank you.”

“There’s one more thing,” I stated, dipping my hand into the bag and pulling out the small black box.

Miya opened it with a careful expression before letting a large smile spread across his face. He told me he loved it and couldn’t wait to wear it, especially since it paired with mine. I apologised that it wasn’t also a cocaine spoon but he said he didn’t mind because I would never own a cocaine spoon so it made it perfect.

“I can’t believe you went to all this trouble.” Miya whined, but I knew he secretly loved those gifts and attention.

“Turned out to be a lot of trouble. I bought Hinata’s silence with a jacket and the shop assistant thought I was his sugar daddy.”

“What!?” Miya laughed. “Do I have to compete with Shouyou now?”

“Oh, he’s nowhere near obnoxious enough for me to be interested in.”

Miya slapped my arm but smiled, grabbing his jumper and a pair of his joggers. He stripped himself of the clothes he’d been wearing and tried them on, spinning so I could get the full effect.

“So?”

“Yeah, they’re definitely working for me.” 

I pulled Miya down to meet me in a kiss, before tackling him onto the bed.

“Can I show you how thankful I am?”

“Will you keep the jumper on?”

The next few months carried on from there. Miya pulled me further and further out of my shell, encouraging me to try new things and sticking by my side when things got too much. I even felt that I’d had fewer anxiety attacks with him around and could appease the urges with only a couple deep cleans of the house, rather than multiple.

Every date night with him was like stepping into heaven and the mornings we spent rolling around in bed doing nothing, were slowly becoming the things I looked forward to during stressful days.

I couldn’t seem to get enough of him and it was eating me alive that we were hiding it from most of the team. Hinata, Kageyama, Suna and Osamu had been the biggest help with hiding our relationship, making sure they always backed up fake cover stories or taking the blame for loud noises in the night.

Obviously, we didn’t let these favours go unpaid. Me and Miya covered Hinata and Kageyama’s asses in return and made sure to help with Aika as often as possible. She quickly became my favourite Miya to spoil and even though I would drop money on Atsumu whenever I felt like it, she got the most.

I couldn’t help myself, the way her face lit up when I treated her to something was unparalleled and despite her dad’s protests, I insisted she deserved to be spoiled. Her birthday was at the end of September and as it approached, I became more and more eager to but her something special.

At the end of August, Miya had decided enough was enough and we needed to tell the team.

“I’m bored with it, Omi. The cuddles stop at the door, then we sit a hundred feet away from each other. Is it too much to sit next to my own boyfriend?” He cried, waving his hands about.

“Atsumu!” I said, grabbing his wrists and bringing them down to his sides. “I want them to know too. I just don’t know how to go about it.”

“Well, we just tell them.”

“What, like some awkward coming out intervention?” I scoffed. “We could just always tell Bokuto, he’ll tell everyone on accident.”

“That’s a definite possibility but I’ve been thinking we just make out in front of them and watch their faces crack.”

“I like the Bokuto idea.”

“I like the kissing idea.” Miya grinned, reaching up to kiss me and wrap his arms around my neck.

I pulled him closer by his waist and hummed against his lips. “Maybe I can be persuaded.”

As it turned out, I didn’t need persuading because I didn’t get much choice in how everyone found out.

I had been in the kitchen, two days later, when he did it. We were all collecting in the kitchen for dinner and I had gone ahead of Miya so that we wouldn’t arrive at the same time and I could make a drink before we ate.

As I was stood by the side, making my drink, Miya came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle, resting his chin on my right shoulder.

“Atsumu.” I warned. “What are you doing?”

“Just wondering if ya could make me a drink as well, pretty please.”

“Sure.” I said through gritted teeth.

“Thank you love.” Miya kissed my cheek and turned to towards the table.

The room was silent and my stomach turned in knots as I finished making the drinks. I knew that the second I turned around, everything would change and as much as it was what I wanted, it was still daunting.

I finished the drinks and took a breath, turning around to look at every one. They were all sat around the table, food waiting, staring at me with large grins.

I awkwardly moved across the room and placed the drink in front of Miya, sitting in the empty seat next to him. Everyone followed me with the eyes, their grins remained but I could tell that some of them were just as confused as smug.

“Got something to tell us, Sasuka?” Inunaki asked, cocking his eyebrow and gesturing to me.

“Not particularly, no.” I smiled, beginning my meal. “Thanks for the food.”

“Really? Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“He knows that we saw him with Tsum-tsum, right?”

“Yes Bokuto, I am well aware. I don’t understand why I’m the only one taking the heat?”

“What, like you seriously believe that Miya hadn’t already let it slip? We all knew days ago.”

My head snapped round to look at Miya who was trying desperately to sink into the jumper that I had bought him. Of course, he’d told them. He was probably out to embarrass me above all else.

“You told them!?” I yelled, my voice going a little higher than desired.

“It was an accident Omi-kun. I started bragging about how incredible yer are before I could even realise what I was saying.”

My cheeks flushed darkly and I felt slightly nauseous. If he was looking to embarrass me, he’d achieved it.

“I’m going to kill you, you prick.”

“Leave him alone Sakusa, we all knew something was up anyway.”

“You did?”

“Well, you’ve not been buying us lavish gifts.”

“Shit.”

“It’s all water under the bridge, now you two can quit sneaking around.” Meian smiled.

“With any luck, Hinata and Kageyama will stop doing it soon too.” Inunaki added.

“How’d you know about that!?” Hinata screeched, pushing himself away from the table.

“We’ve all seen you sneaking him in and out at least twice.” Barnes smiled, sympathetically. “Heard you a few times too.”

Hinata buried his face in his hands. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Don’t be, baby boy.” Miya smirked, sipping his drink.

“Oh my god!” Hinata grimaced. “Please never tell Kags that you heard that. He won’t ever talk to me again if he finds out.”

“I think we should all just agree right now that we don’t say shit about shit.” I stated.

There was a chorus of agreements and the room went silent for a while before Bokuto chipped in.

“Is this the point I tell you all about Akaashi?”

We all groaned in unison, some of us hiding our faces as a piece of bread flew towards Bokuto’s head.

It was all good from there, being properly open with the team meant that we could all stop hiding a little bit. Bokuto and Akaashi were disgusting with all of their affection and Kageyama’s presence in the house became more apparent. It didn’t affect Atsumu or myself too much though, as I would frequently drag him with me to my apartment and keep him cooped up there for days, in our own little bubble.

I’d somehow even been roped into having Aika’s birthday party at my apartment. Atsumu had been the one to organise it behind my back, telling Osamu and Suna I had okayed it before he’d even spoke to me. There was nothing I could do in response; it wasn’t like I could tell them to forget about it.

That’s how, I ended up stood in my living room, surrounded by boxes and boxes of pink birthday decorations and what could only be described as mountains of glitter. Atsumu was showing me, for the millionth time, the cake he was having made and explaining why it was “completely perfect”.

“Well, it’s strawberry, which is her favourite and means that the cake itself will be pink. Then it’s going to have purple buttercream frosting with yellow flowers.”

“Atsumu, she’s going to be five. You know she’s just going to be happy that she has cake, right?”

“Yeah, but this is her first birthday after her adoption, so it’s a special one.” He said, getting up from next to me.

“Okay, you have a point.” I responded, smacking his back as I got up too.

Atsumu winced and yelped in pain, grabbing his back. His face was contorted in pain and I could see tears at the corners of his eyes. It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. I wished it was but it seemed to happen more and more. Before it only seemed to hurt if something banged against it but soon it became painful if something even grazed past him.

“Atsumu, would you please go to the doctors already?”

“No, it’s fine. I just pull that muscle a lot.”

“Babe, you’re in pain.” I whined, cupping his face. “Can we just check that things are okay? To put my mind at rest, if anything.”

“Okay, fine, I will call them. But I’m telling ya it’s just a dodgy muscle. At the very worst, they’ll put me in physio for a couple of weeks.”

“Well, if that’s the case, at least I’ll sleep better.”

When I came home a week later, I could do anything but sleep. I’d given Atsumu a key to my apartment so that he could come round with stuff for Aika’s birthday whenever but I didn’t expect to find him the way I did.

He always kept elements of boundaries. He treated my place as a second home but he would never take without asking and would always buy-in if he wanted something, he felt he couldn’t borrow. So, to find him, curled up on the sofa, wrapped in the throw blanket and cradling a glass of wine from one of my bottles was a shock. 

“Hey,” I said, softly, dropping my bag onto the floor and going over to his so I could wrap my arms around his shoulders. “What are you doing?”

Atsumu turned his head to look at me and I knew something was wrong. His cheeks were tear-stained and his eyes were still glassy and red. I panicked and made my way around the couch as quick as I could, settling next to him.

“Woah, woah, talk to me. Tell me what’s happening.”

“I got a phone call.” He hiccupped. “It was the doctors, they got back to me about my test results.”

“You never told me that you’d gone.”

“Well, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I spoke to them on the phone the same day ya told me to call them and they sent me to the hospital for loads of tests. It was kinda scary when I got there, I sorta wanted ya with me.”

“Okay, well, what did they say?”

“They told me to come in. Surely if nothing was wrong, they’d just say that to me but they want to see me in person. That means something’s wrong, doesn’t it? I just came over to organise Aika’s surprise and they called me. It’d bad right, Omi-omi.”

“Hey, hey, babe. It’s going to be okay. We’ll go tomorrow and whatever it is, it can’t be the worst.”

Atsumu sniffled and I pulled him into my chest. He curled up against me and we stayed there for hours until he fell asleep. He looked so exhausted and I ended up scooping him into my arms and carrying him up to bed. I laid with him for a while, resting his head in my lap and stroking his hair.

Once I was sure he would stay asleep, I slipped out from under him and went to the bedroom at the beginning of the hall. It was the main reason Atsumu wanted to have Aika’s birthday at mine. The old me would have fallen out with him over what he’d planned behind his back but across the four months we’d dated, I’d become increasingly attached to Atsumu and Aika.

The surprise was a big one. Suna and Osamu had agreed that they were fine for Atsumu to look after Aika on his own but not whilst he was living in the shared house because there were “some things a little girl shouldn’t hear”. That lead to Atsumu turning one of my four spare rooms into a room for Aika.

We’d spent the last month flipping the room upside down. I’d never expected to have to buy bubble-gum pink paint but I’d somehow ended up buying three tins of it, oh and it had glitter. We were filling it with everything we could think of, doing the best we could to not let ourselves run away with the excitement and outdo the room she had at home.

When I looked in the door, I saw that Miya had finished painting the last wall and began constructing some of the furniture. It was looking cute and I was embarrassed by how excited I was for Aika to see it. Suna and Osamu both knew what we were doing but we were keeping it as a surprise for them as well.

I left the room as it was, closing the door as I went downstairs. I folded away the blanket, placed the cork back in the wine bottle and washed Atsumu’s glass. I squared the rest of the apartment away and finally stopped in the living room, as I looked out the windows.

Atsumu loved the view from my living, he would have talked about it all day if I’d let him. The thought only entered my head for a second, before I shook it away but it was a second too long. Suddenly, my brain had conjured up the possibility that one day I might be looking out at the view without the running commentary of Atsumu.

It was too much for me. The tears spilt over and I braced myself against the frame of one of the windows. I wasn’t feeling panic and I knew I couldn’t fix it with the usual ritualistic cleaning. What I was feeling was pure fear. I had no idea what the doctors would say and what that would mean for Atsumu, I just knew that I hated whatever the answer was.

The next morning, we both climbed into my car and I drove as slow as I could – like we could avoid whatever news we were about to be given. I held his hand as often as I could, giving it tight, reassuring squeeze.

When we got to the hospital, we had to wait an hour to finally be called in. It was agonising and I was on the literal edge of my seat the entire time. I was doing my best to squash my anxiety so that Atsumu wouldn’t be able to pick up on it.

The doctor called us through and the second I stood up; the world froze. Everything slowed even further if that was possible. I could feel the anxiety in my throat as we exchanged pleasantries with the doctor and I sat next to Atsumu, clutching his hand tightly.

The anxiety never left. The entire time the doctor ran through the tests conducted and began explaining what was found. Then he paused and I held my breath, whatever he was going to say next was the thing.

I zoned out over what he was saying like my brain refused to accept the information trying to enter it. I finally snapped out of it when Atsumu squeezed my hand especially hard.

“The results of that scan showed something worrying. There’s what appears to be a mass, starting at the lumbar section of your spine, which is this small are here.” The doctor explained, pointing to the scan results. 

Atsumu took in a sharp intake of breath and I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me.

“Wh-what does that mean?”

“Well, there will be more tests, some that we can start today to get a better idea of what exactly we’re looking at. However, in my professional opinion, what we’re looking at is what is commonly referred to as a Wisteria tumour.”

“A wisteria tumour? Why’s it called that?” I repeated.

“Well, it was nicknamed by the patient with the first known case. Basically, it grows much like a wisteria vine, wrapping around the spine.”

“But wisteria symbolises immortality, don’t they? So, it can’t be deadly, can it?”

“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this but if this is what we’re dealing with, treatment becomes a little difficult.”

“Well, what does it entail?” I asked.

“We’ll cross that when we get to it.”

It took a few more days for the results to come in, the day before Aika’s birthday as it turned out. We sat in the same office, with the same doctor and the same anxiety – only to have every last one of our hopes crushed.

“Unfortunately, it is as I suspected. The mass growing on your spine is a Wisteria tumour.”

“So, what’s the treatment?”

“A tumour of this nature is very difficult to treat. By the time symptoms present themselves, it’s usually progressed to a stage that chemotherapy can’t regress. In your case, I feel that chemotherapy would do little but prolong the development of the tumour. Surgery isn’t impossible but the risks are incredibly high, we’re talking an above eighty percent risk of paralysis.”

“What’s the prognosis?” Atsumu croaked, his eyes welling over.

“The tumour will progress, there are two avenues that it will take. It will either progress to other organs, commonly the heart and/or lungs, or it will continue to wrap around the spine, leading to full-body paralysis. Without treatment, we’re talking about six months.”

“And with?”

“A year at best. I’m so sorry.”

I clocked out after that. The words bounced off me and it was as if I was deaf. Atsumu was crying silently but was maintain his composure relatively well. I was breaking down beside him, letting the devastation overtake me.

I don’t recall the rest of the conversation or how we got home but I found myself walking through my apartment, Atsumu in my arms. I placed him on the bed and climbed in next to him, the same way I had for the past few days. Instead, that time I didn’t leave his side. I cuddled into him like there was no tomorrow, inhaling his scent and remembering how he felt in my arms. I didn’t want to forget.

Atsumu broke down the second we were through the door. He was inconsolable and there was nothing I could say to even begin to comfort him. I was feeling everything he was and the words “six months to a year” rang in my head like a broken record. My entire body hurt with grief and I couldn’t even fathom how Atsumu was feeling.

“It’s Aika’s birthday tomorrow.” I whispered against the top of his head. “How about we get that room finished?”

Atsumu sniffed and calmed his breathing slightly. “Yeah, we should. I know she’s excited to come and I’d hate to let her down.”

“Okay, darling.” I cooed, moving to sit us both up. “You take a minute; I’m going to call Meian.”

Atsumu nodded and climbed off my lap, balling himself up on the bed again. I kissed his head and stepped into the bathroom, taking my phone with me. Meian picked up on the third ring.

“Sakusa, we’ve all been worried about you two. Where have you been, coach went livid.”

“Atsumu just needs a couple of days, it’s been rough. I can’t tell you, right now. Tomorrow’s Aika’s birthday and Atsumu really needs it. I’ll ask him if he wants to go home the day after but I can’t promise. If needs be, you guys can come here.”

“You guys aren’t okay, are you?”

“No, we’re not but please, don’t talk to the others about this.”

“Okay, well, we’re here for you both.”

I thanked him and hung up, going back into the bedroom, only to find the Atsumu was gone. A moment of panic racked through me when I saw that our bed was empty. I ran out of the room and to the top of the stairs, looking over the bannister to see that Atsumu wasn’t downstairs. I went to the only other place that he could be that wasn’t out of the apartment.

I cracked the door to Aika’s room slightly to find Atsumu curled up on the bed we’d finished building just the day before. He had one of her bears in his arms and he was staring at the wall ahead of him. I bobbed down next to him, placing a gentle hand on his face and giving him the best smile, I could.

“Hey, you.”

“Was that you running in the hallway?” He chuckled.

“I didn’t know where you were.”

“Ew don’t be so clingy Omi-kun.”

“Do you want to stay there whilst I finish up in here?” I asked.

“Yes, please but only if you take your shirt off while you work.”

“Bossy bottom.”

Atsumu smiled and gave me a light laugh. I was grateful that he was behaving more like himself, the past week he’d become a sort of a shell. He didn’t laugh or joke anywhere near as much as he used to and some of the light seemed to die a little bit. If taking my shirt off was going to make him smile for half a second of the day, I would have done it.

I stood up and pulled my shirt over my head dramatically, throwing it at Atsumu. He laughed again and caught it in his hand, pulling it close to his face and cuddling it in place of the teddy.

I then set to work on Aika’s room. There were a couple of shelves to be hung up and toys that need putting on them but beyond that, we were done. The shelves were an easy job. Organising the dolls and toys on them to Atsumu’s high standards was the hard part.

“No, no, no Omi. Ya either put both fairy dolls together or one on either shelf, do not do that.”

“Would you be quiet or help me out.”

“I am helping. Put both dolls together, they look like they’d be friends then put the trucks on the lower shelf to encourage her to play with those as well. Oh, and don’t forget about the Lego set downstairs, I meant to bring it up but I forgot.”

“Yes, I will get it in a minute. Let me finish your last demand first. God knows what you will be like when it’s our kid.”

What I said hung in the air for a minute before realisation washed over me. Under normal circumstances, it would have been too fast for me to suggest such a thing but under the circumstances, we were given, it just stung. I would never have a child with Atsumu, as much as I wanted to.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I just said it.”

“No, it’s okay.” Atsumu smiled, sitting up a little. “It’s a nice thought isn’t it, us with kids? They’d be brats, completely spoilt and overly-loved. Every other kid would hate them.”

“Yeah, only cause you’d teach them everything you know.”

“And you’d shower them with gifts like you do me.” He grinned.

I smiled and sat on the floor beside the bed, holding his hand in mine. I wanted all of that, so badly.

“Ya know Omi-omi, there are things we can do. They’re a little unconventional but ya could always get a surrogate when ya know.”

“No.”

“Just think about it.”

“No, I’m not going to raise a kid who never met you. Who never got the chance to know how brilliant their dad was? Who’s going to have to look at photos, the rest of their life and listen to the stories and never actually know? I’m not doing it.”

Tears threatened to spill and my voice cracked as I got increasingly angrier.

“Okay Omi, okay.” He said, wrapping his arms around me. “We’ll sit on it for a while. I just want yer to be alright, I don’t want ya to be alone.”

“I won’t be alone, not completely but I won’t be okay either. I’m going to have plenty of people, people who knew you but I’m going to miss you every waking moment.”

“I know, I’m going to miss you too.” He brought our foreheads together and I placed my hands on his legs. “But let’s not focus on this, okay? Ya get the Lego from downstairs; I’ll stick the bow on the door. Okay?”

“Okay baby. Do you want anything while I’m downstairs, a drink maybe?”

“Wine maybe?”

“Anything for you.” I smiled, getting up from my perch.

I got the Lego from the downstairs cupboard and poured two glasses of wine. I wasn’t sure if Atsumu actually liked wine or whether he just drank it because it was all I ever had in, but it was becoming a recurring habit for us to split a bottle. 

I climbed back up the stairs, doing my best to balance both glasses and the huge tub of Lego. As I reached the top, I saw that the first door on the right now had a huge pink bow with several spiralling tendrils coming off the bottom and big loops near the top. 

“It looks cute.” I smiled, entering the room.

Atsumu was sat on the bed, which he’d clearly straightened up at some point, admiring the room with my shirt still firmly in his grasp. He hummed in agreement and took a moment before he finally looked up at me.

“Do I ever get my shirt back?”

“Probably not.”

“Okay well you take these,” I offered him the wine, which he took. “And tell me where to put the Lego.”

“Down by the toybox.”

I placed the box down and picked up the disinfectant spray I’d placed on the side, spraying the entire room twice before finally settling next to Atsumu.

“I think we did a good job. I’m sorry I sprung this on ya, by the way, I never actually apologised for it.”

“I minded at first, this is my house you know and it felt like it was becoming less and less of my own space. Then I realised that it stopped being my house a while ago, this feels like our home now. Aika is special to you and she’s important to me. I’m glad we did this and I think we did a great job too.”

“Aw omi-kun. It’s our home, is it? Does that mean I get more closet space?”

“Have all the closet space you want.”

We quickly move from Aika’s room, tumbling into our own and spending the evening like it was our last one together, just in case we one day began to take them for granted. I tried to push those thoughts out of my head, surround myself with the presence and not even contemplate the future, but some of the moments we spent together were becoming bittersweet.

The next morning rolled around and we began preparing for Aika’s arrival. I was shoved into the kitchen from six in the morning, forced to bake and cook everything from nibbles to cookies and on my third batch of biscuits, I concluded that I should never have told Atsumu I could bake.

Whilst I slaved away over a hot oven, Atsumu ran wild around the apartment throwing up all the decorations he could find and setting up the dining table so that food could be splayed out with the cake in the middle. That was a relatively short job so, once he was done, he lounged on the couch, barking orders at me.

I put up with it though, only giving the odd snarky remark, it was good to see him in high spirits. I’m sure he was just pretending, preparing himself for the performance he would have to put on once his family arrived. I couldn’t complain though, at the end of the day, I was pretending too. I kept smiling, kept joking and doing everything he asked, only letting the tears fall when I had a moment alone.

The Miya’s arrived at my apartment a little after eleven, all open-mouthed and wide-eyed, the same way Atsumu had been the first time he came.

“Kiyoomi, are you rich or something?” Suna asked, spinning around admiring the space.

“Absolutely loaded,” Atsumu joked. “He could buy you if I really wanted to have you.”

“Sugar baby.” Osamu muttered under his breath, taking Aika’s coat off and hanging it up.

“I heard that.” I warned.

“On another note, it’s my baby girl’s birthday!” Atsumu cried, picking Aika up and spinning her around.

I saw him wince a little as he lifted her badly but I don’t think Osamu or Suna had noticed. We’d decided not to tell them for a few days, to let them absorb the glow of such a special day with their daughter before we delivered the news that would effectively ruin it. I didn’t want Atsumu to be in pain so I took Aika from him.

I wished her a happy birthday and kissed her cheek, smiling and she squealed in delight. I loved her laugh, it seemed to lighten up any room and never failed to make me smile in return.

“Have you had a good day, my darling?” I asked her, cuddling her closer to me.

“Good Mi-mi! I got a pretty dress!”

“Really? How pretty?” Atsumu asked, appearing at my side stroking her cheek.

“Super pretty! It’s blue.”

“Wow!” I gasped, placing her on the ground so she could have a runabout.

“All the money we spent on toys and she cares about it the bloody dress that my mum made.” Suna groaned.

“Well come look at the cake you paid half of,” Atsumu smiled. “She’s bound to like that.”

After they wandered off, I asked Osamu if he’d like a drink and he offered to give me a hand. As we stood in the kitchen and I grabbed the glasses, Osamu turned to me and smiled.

“I don’t know how ya do it.” He spoke.

“Do what?”

“Treat that prick so well. I’m sure he’s a nightmare and yet, ya invite him to stay with ya here in a place I can only describe as a floating mansion and ya put all this effort in for his niece’s birthday.”

“Now, that’s not fair. Atsumu might be a massive prick but I do love that little girl. You’ve got a great daughter Osamu, don’t let your brother ruin her.”

“She loves yer too Kiyoomi, I can tell ya mean a lot to her. It’s been so difficult for her, she bounced between more foster homes than I can count before the age of one. Then we got her, then it looked like her mum was going to get her back. It was a nightmare, so I’m just happy that she has some form of a family now.”

“You guys are her family.”

“You are too Kiyoomi.”

“Ew listen to these two sad pricks in the kitchen.” Miya joked, appearing by the breakfast bar. “Suna are you seeing this?”

“Trust me, I got pictures.”

“Okay, shut it, the pair of you. Aika, love, do you want a cookie?” I shouted to where she was staring out the living room windows.

She spun around quickly and toddled towards me; hands already outstretched for a biscuit. I passed her one of the cooled ones and she began munching on it immediately. She stood by the four of us, barely grazing our knees but with all of us wrapped around her finger.

“Do you want your present now, baby?” Atsumu asked, bobbing down to her eye level.

She nodded in response, still occupied with her cookie and Osamu swept her up. Atsumu led us upstairs, followed by Osamu with Aika, then Suna, then me at the back. It was my house and I had paid for half of the reservations and yet I hung back, feeling a little embarrassed of how much time and effort I’d put into it all.

“Okay darling,” Atsumu said, watching as Osamu put her down. “I need you to open up this door to get your present.”

Aika grabbed the handle and pushed the door, letting it swing open. Her eyes grew wide with glee as her dads stood behind her with equal expressions of shock.

“You guys did all of this!?” Suna asked, grabbing his phone out his pocket so he could take as many pictures as possible.

Aika had already toddled into the room and had grabbed random things, running her hands across other things.

“Which one is mine?” She asked, turning to us in the doorway.

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit as a moved closer to the other three and watched her.

“Aika, they’re all yours. The room is yours and everything in it!”

“Really!? It’s mine?”

“Yes, baby. Tsumu and Mi-mi did it for you, isn’t that nice?” Osamu smiled.

“Thank you Ojisan! Thank you, Mi-mi!” She cried, running towards us with her arms open. 

We both knelt to hug her and cuddled her close.

“You know, this means we can have sleepovers now. Whenever you want!” I smiled.

Aika giggled once again and went back to running around the room grabbing armfuls of toys before dropping them all, in favour of jumping into the pile of teddys that were stacked on the bed. A part of me cringed and wanted to leap into the action, tidying away the mess that took her two seconds to make but I knew that wouldn’t be right. She was having fun and I was going to have to get used to the mess that came with that.

We filled the rest of the day with as much fun as we could for Aika. As it turned out, the choice of cake was very important and extremely well picked, judging by Aika’s reaction. She made multiple relayed trips up and down the stairs, bringing new toys each time to show off and play with. Atsumu was right to place the trucks within her reach and they seemed to be a hit.

She pushed them down every slight incline in the apartment, giggling at the way they moved on their own and sped across the floor. We all watched her fondly, enjoying the pure simplicity of her amusement. Her life had been difficult, hopefully in a way she would never comprehend negatively but as it stood, she was relatively untouched by the world. She could still find joy in the finer things.

In the back of my head, I knew it would be broken soon, that even if she couldn’t comprehend it at five; one day it would break her. I wanted her to remember her uncle fondly, to maintain the good memories, but I also knew how much harder that would make things.

It was a similar feeling to how I felt when Atsumu suggested kids of our own. I didn’t want him to just become stories but I knew that, realistically, Aika wasn’t going to remember him. That I could tell her every story about him but that wasn’t going to bring him back or make her remember how much he loved her.

I realised I had spiralled, began thinking all the things I promised myself I wouldn’t and it had to stop. Atsumu was still with me, still holding my hand, still breathing. He wasn’t past tense yet and I couldn’t allow myself to be filled with only negative memories of him.

If Atsumu had been thinking the same things as me, he never let on to it. He smiled, laughed, sang and clapped – being his usual self. He was better at pretending to hold himself better than me and more than anything I envied that.

He maintained the façade throughout the entire day and then for the next few days until we finally sat everyone down. Atsumu had been too racked with nerves to get up and travel so I allowed everyone to visit my apartment.

Osamu and Suna dropped Aika off at daycare and the team all came round. There was an uncomfortable atmosphere, I think everyone could sense that whatever was going on was serious.

They all congregated in my living room, hot drinks in hand and sympathetic smiles. Atsumu took his time, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot in front of them for a while. When he finally spoke, it came out in a quick blur – all the words strung together and he was blubbering before he’d finished.

Everyone was silent, looking between themselves for a while. Osamu was the first one to move, stepping towards his brother and telling him he loved him. He wrapped his arms around Atsumu who was shaking and I could see his shoulders shaking too.

The rare display of affection between the brothers seemed to break everyone else. They all crowded around him, telling him how important he was to them and that they loved him. 

The rest of the day was spent quietly. Atsumu had a long phone call with his parents and I could hear him sobbing from outside the bedroom door, then we made a post on the black jackals’ social media. Most people had words of love and encouragement, whilst all the negative comments were shut down or deleted.

The team had lots of kind words for me, which seemed odd because I wasn’t the one with a death sentence but none of them touched me, which was appreciated. I knew that if they put so much as a hand on my shoulder, I would have snapped. 

I mainly sat next to Osamu on the sofa, staring blankly into space and exchanging kind words with him about how it would all be okay. I couldn’t imagine being in his shoes, knowing that he was about to lose his other half.

The next couple of months were difficult, we spoilt him as much as we could on his birthday – acting as though it wasn’t going to be his last. It was almost easy to forget her was a twin, Osamu was completely willing to have the day be about Atsumu and re-directed any attention he got.

Those couple months between Aika’s birthday and the lead up to Christmas were as close to bliss as we had been in months. Atsumu continued to be okay, besides the back pain and we all grouped often to shower him with love.

By his birthday, he’d already moved into my apartment with me, almost full time. We would return to the shared house to spend time with the team but Atsumu told me that he felt most at ease when we were at home. A lot of our time was spent on the couch or in bed talking and cuddling, until the early hours of the morning.

I was neglecting my duties on the team a little but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make if it meant five more seconds curled up in the blissful bubble that was our bedroom.

Aika visited a lot more and would even spend a couple of nights over at our place. Nobody treasured the sleepovers more than Atsumu but Aika enjoyed them almost as much. She would talk our ears off until way past her bedtime then dive into our bed before seven in the morning, demanding that I made pancakes.

It was domestic and blissful. It was everything I’d ever wanted out of my life and having Atsumu by my side only made it better. I never got bored of the late nights, or the early mornings, or the constant reruns of children movies.

However, it reached a tipping point, a few weeks before Christmas. I had just put Aika to bed whilst Atsumu cleared the living room for me. As I came down, I picked up the tv remote from the floor and began wiping it down, accidentally hitting a few buttons. The tv switched on and the same movie we’d watched five-time that day already started again.

“For the love of God, would ya switch this shit off!?”

I flinched at his words, scrambling to turn it off. I dropped the remote onto the coffee table and stepped away from it.

“I’m sorry love, are you okay?”

Atsumu dropped onto the couch burying his head in his hands.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just my head hurts, it has been for days.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked, dropping down in front of him. “Have you been taking your pain meds?”

“Of course, I have but they’ve done nothing for this headache.”

“Okay, well, we’ll go to the doctors tomorrow – after your brother picks Aika up. We might be able to get you something stronger.”

“Okay.” He whimpered.

I decided the tidying wasn’t that important anymore and that I could live with a few dolls on my floor. I had him in my arms in seconds, he wrapped around me like a koala, burying his face in my neck. It was clear that he was lighter than before, a fact I was fighting to ignore but it only made caring for him easier.

As I took him upstairs, I footed the door of Aika’s room open so that we could both see her sleeping soundly.

“I’m going to break her heart, aren’t I?” Atsumu whispered.

“She’s lucky to have known you.”

“I wish it could have been kids of our own that we were checking in on like this.”

“I know love.”

“Omi-kun, I want to go to bed now.”

“You tired?”

“Not at all.” He grinned, looking down at me.

“Aika’s here.”

“I’ll be quiet, I promise.”

That was good enough for me, I carried him off to our room, making sure he knew how loved he was. I didn’t want those few moments to end, I didn’t want that day to end. It was the one I wanted to relive over and over; it was the end of the bliss.

Atsumu seemed to only decline from there, by the new year, his lungs and heart were starting to show signs of struggle. His stamina was shot and he couldn’t maintain his breath like he used to. Every day seemed to become more of a battle for him.

It was best for him but every time I pulled him out of bed to get him moving, my heart broke. He continued a brave face and would behave like everything was completely fine, thinking I couldn’t see the way he took sharp intakes of breath or clutch his chest when he got too excited.

I still loved him though, still fought with him over petty things and made him laugh when it all got too much.

We stopped having Aika so much. She had no idea what was going on so would behave the same way towards him. He would keep smiling, keep playing with her but it was just unrealistic to have her run into him for hugs when he wasn’t doing so well.

Atsumu never called himself sick, definitely never anything more severe than that and it showed how unwilling he was to succumb. I knew he kept track of the months going past and he was more aware than anyone that his time was limited.

He never had chemotherapy. He said that he would rather live six months less and only lose himself before he went than spend a year feeling sick and losing his hair.  
I knew why he felt that way and I had no say in what he chose but I wanted those six months. It was selfish and he would have been unhappy but I wanted more time.

I did my best not to worry though, I kept smiling with him and shot everyone down who suggested he wasn’t doing good. It wasn’t denial, I was well aware of what state he was in I just didn’t want him to know I was scared too.

The first day I faltered was towards the end of January. I had gone to morning training and left Atsumu asleep in bed. He was living with me permanently so the stress of constant switching wouldn’t affect him. It meant I had to be more open with my apartment, letting people come as frequently as they wanted, even his parents.

That day, in particular, Hinata and Bokuto had come home with me from practice and were helping themselves to my food as I went to the bedroom to see if Atsumu was up for visitors. 

I found him, on his side, heaving heavily. It was similar to my breathing during a panic attack except I could see that Atsumu was fast asleep, meaning that was his breathing rate at rest. His face looked pale and a little gaunt, there was a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead and dark bags under his eyes.

We’d been to the hospital just a few days before, only to be told that the beginnings of growth around his lungs had formed and that it had also begun to run down the centre of his heart.

I checked his pulse first, breathing a sigh of relief when I felt that it was strong. I pulled my phone from my pocket texting Hinata that Atsumu wasn’t great and they could see him if they wanted but it could be difficult. I said if not, they could stay as long as they wanted anyway.

I climbed onto our bed and lifted his head placing it in my lap. I ran my hands through his hair and played with a few strands. His breathing evened out a little and I [rayed that it was only bad because of some restless sleep and not because he was declining further.

After ten minutes, there was light knocking on the door.

“Hey.” Hinata smiled. “We okay to come in?”

I nodded and Hinata entered, followed by Bokuto. The sat on the floor by the bed, placing a hand each on Atsumu and furrowing their brows. They were the most upbeat out of everyone I knew and the concern on their faces seemed so foreign, albeit justified.

“How are you doing Kiyoomi?” Bokuto asked.

I was taken back by the question. For the past several months the only people who’d asked that were Atsumu’s family. It was like they were the only other people that understood just how hard it was to sit by each day and watch his light fade.

“It hurts a lot. I want to be able to take it all away or to snap my fingers and be able to time travel. I want so much more time with him that I’m just not going to get.”

They nodded sympathetically and kept me company for several hours until Atsumu woke up. When he did, it took him a minute to figure out where he was and even longer to figure out why an extra two people were kicking about.

He was happy to see them though. I demanded all the gossip and information that he could squeeze out of them and demanded that they visit more. It was nice to see him smile and mess about with those two in a way he hadn’t in a very long time.

January turned into February and things seemed to be looking up for him. His breathing still wasn’t great and he didn’t have the energy he used to but he was eating more and got out of bed most days. We even managed to go on a couple of dates and Aika stayed one of the weekends.

Atsumu looked so happy and it didn’t seem pretend. I felt better too, he seemed to have got some spirit from somewhere and even though he was still losing weight and he woke up some nights feeling like his chest was on fire, we were doing okay. The apartment stopped feeling so stifling too, it felt like our home again and not the place I entered with a heart full of dread each day.

He never looked as sick as you would have expected. On the bad days, he seemed to pale up more and he looked more tired but there was still light behind his eyes. The majority of the weight he lost was a loss of muscle mass so he looked smaller but he didn’t look skeletal like some people do. Other than that, there was still life in him. He liked to sit by the windows and absorb the sunlight so his freckles stayed a little, I missed how dark they used to be but I would take it.

In that time, he just did so much more. He was still so eager to see life and do things. He would pretty much blackmail me into letting him come shopping every time he felt up for it. He said it was for fresh air but I think he just liked the presents.

Atsumu even came to one of the Jackals games. He sat in the stand with his brother and cheered us on like he was on the court with us. Volleyball was weird without him, sets were consistently perfect, the energy of the game was down slightly and each time I turned to cheer with him, he wouldn’t be there.

It was good for him to see us play; he’d missed it a lot. It actually turned out to be really emotional for the team as we didn’t have an official game for a couple more months and we weren’t sure whether this was the last one Atsumu would be a part of.

He’d stopped playing the big ones in November and stopped them all together in December. It was a really heartbreaking decision but he did try to come to see us play and practice as often as he could.

When the match was over, we all huddled with him and told him we loved him, much like we had when he told the team about everything. He yelled at us all for being saps and said we should go to dinner to celebrate.

The day was long and tiring for the both of us so we left the meal early, heading home to do what we did every night. We laid on the sofa together, staring out the window at the view, talking aimlessly and guessing the story of all the lives we could see. That night was a clearer one so Atsumu got distracted halfway through and began pointing out his favourite constellations.

I nodded and smiled, pretending I knew what he was on about. I rested my chin on the top of his and wrapped my arms around him, holding him as close as I could.

“I love you; you know?” I whispered.

Atsumu stopped and rolled in my arms so that he was facing me.

“Ya do?”

“Of course, I do. I love everything about you, you’re funny and smarter than you look, you care so much about the people you love and you are so, so beautiful.” I kissed the tip of his nose and he smiled up at me softly.

“Omi-kun, I love ya too.”

“Well, I’d hope so.”

“Don’t ruin it.”

We smiled at each other like a pair of idiots, kissing each other softly.

“Omi, don’t get mad but I kind of did something.”

“What have you done?” I asked, my tone warning him to be careful.

“So, I know ya said ya would never have a kid that doesn’t know me but-”

“No, Atsumu, there’s no but about it. I’m not doing that without you.”

“Please just listen. I kind of already started the process when we first talked about it.”

“We talked about it in September!”

“I know, I know, I wanted to tell ya. Either way, I spoke to yer sister and-”

“My sister!?”

“Jesus, can I get this story out? Yes, I spoke to yer sister. No, before ya ask, I did not ask her to contribute. She knows a lady who does surrogacy primarily for gay couples. I spoke to her and she thought the idea was really sweet.”

He paused as if he waiting for a reaction from me but I had too many thoughts swirling around my head.

“It’s gonna be difficult and yer really gonna have to fight for it, if it’s what ya want but it’s doable Omi. We could have a kid.”

“Except you won’t be around for it.”

“I want this so badly Omi. I wanna know I did everything I could with ya and yer not going to be alone. I’m okay with being stories because I know yer gonna love that little baby more than anyone.”

There was so much about the situation I hated, so much I didn’t want to be apart of but I wanted it too. I wanted little feet running about the place and to know that the monster making all the noise is exactly like their dad. I wanted that. I just wanted Atsumu by my side too.

“Okay. I’ll do it because I love you and I’ll love the socks off any child who’s part you.”

“Omi-kun!” He squealed pulling me into him. “That’s really great news because I have been saving up since August and we have our first try next week.”

“Next week! What would you have done if I said no? That is so soon.”

“Surprised ya with a child, I guess and you still have nine months to prepare.”

“How have you been organising all of this though, haven’t you been too sick?”

“Yeah, well I did all the phone calls and Osamu would do the in-person visits when I didn’t feel up to it. Never hurts to have someone kicking about that is identical to ya.”

“You’re a nightmarish prick, you know that?”

“I just want to be around for some of it, even if it’s just the beginning. This is the hard part so let this nightmarish prick help, yeah?”

“Well, I can’t argue with that.”

It was a difficult process, there were a lot of big words thrown at us and it didn’t all make sense to me but we got lucky. Yui, the lady who agreed to carry for us, got pregnant first try. She said it was because she’d done it so many times her body could almost do it on command. I’m sure she was joking but it was incredibly rare for it to happen first try.

Atsumu and his mother talked constantly about it being fate but I was still apprehensive about the entire thing. It’s not that I didn’t want the baby, I just wanted better circumstances. It was bittersweet.

It turned out to be a bigger blessing than we realised. By mid-march, we’d moved Atsumu permanently into a hospice and he wouldn’t have been able to do all the doctors visits that came with insemination. He hated missing the scans but I always kept him on the phone whilst I went with Yui.

A hospice was never what we wanted for him. We wanted him at home, where he belonged with the doctor visiting each day but it became too much to handle. He needed IVs, oxygen and around the clock care.

He became a more broken and defeated version of himself. He barely left the bed, never ate and entirely stopped enjoying the things he used to.

He still made jokes though, was as sarcastic as ever and would chat up the female nurses in an attempt to wind me up.

“Omi-kun please talk to me, about anything. Everyone on this ward just talks about their grandkids all day and I just have to smile and nod, like yes yer grandson is very cute, I just don’t give a shit.”

I snorted and kissed his knuckles. “You’re a charmer babe.”

“What will ya do without me?”

“Enjoy the peace and quiet.”

“Horrid, horrid boyfriend.”

That was how our weeks went. I would visit in the morning; his family would keep him company whilst I was at practice than we’d all stay by his side until the evening. Some days, the team came with me and we all piled into his room, even though it was a tight squeeze.

At night, only one person could stay and Atsumu insisted it was me. His mother protested, saying she wanted to stay by her baby’s side as long as she could but in the end, we all agreed. Atsumu was worse in the evening, the cold affected him, and he didn’t want her to watch him go through that. It also meant we could call Yui every night and get updates. Atsumu liked talking to the baby and as Yui couldn’t visit the hospice, they would do it over facetime.

Spring was finally upon us when I knew something was wrong. April was a decent month for weather. I hoped the warmer weather and freshness of the air might help some but it didn’t. Our six months were up. We knew what was coming, we knew the candle could stop burning any second.

It was the 26th. Something in my gut told me that it wasn’t the day for practice. I called Hinata, told him I wouldn’t be coming and that the team should probably visit after practice. He must have sensed it in my voice.

“We love you Omi-san.”

“Thanks, Hinata. See you later.”

Atsumu’s family arrived not long after and Suna brought Aika for a couple of hours. We wanted her to have those last moments with her uncle but we didn’t want her to stay the entire time, if he did go, she shouldn’t have been there for it.

We all sat around his bed, holding his hand, playing with his hair and resting our hands on his aching joints. He spoke very little, only giving us weak smiles and chuckles.

The team arrived as Suna was leaving with Aika. They all gave her big cuddles and kisses and she didn’t understand all the attention she was getting but she ate it up all the same. Suna kissed Atsumu’s forehead and thanked him for always looking after Osamu. Aika gave him a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“See you later, Ojisan!”

“Bye, bye, my darling. I love you!”

“Love you!”

Then they were gone.

“I miss her already.” Atsumu whispered.

That seemed to break something in everyone. We all swarmed him, telling him that she loved him so much and she would never forget him. Despite our kind words, he still cried.

“I hate ya Osamu.”

“I hate you too.” He chuckled grabbing his hand.

The team told Atsumu about the practice and filled him in on everything that had happened since they last visited, before reluctantly leaving for practice.

They all took their time with him, giving kind words and hugs. Hinata and Bokuto were both fighting back tears, kissing his head and professing their love. Atsumu would chuckle and hug their arms, telling them they made him fall in love with volleyball again.

When they were gone, I stepped outside with Atsumu’s parents so he could have a moment alone with Osamu. We sat in the hall, holding hands and not saying a word. There was nothing that could be said. We knew that two lives were being destroyed in that room and I couldn’t think of a single thing they could possibly be saying to each other. How do you even begin to say goodbye to your twin?

After almost an hour, we went back in. Atsumu was awake but Osamu was curled up asleep in his arms.

“Ya used to do that as kids.” Their mother hummed. “Osamu would only sleep with ya next to him and even when ya got older, yer always climbed into each other’s beds after a nightmare.”

She reached out a hand and stroked Osamu’s hair.

“He’s a big baby ma, that’s why.”

“The biggest baby.” She agreed.

His dad joined her side and shook Osamu awake.

“Come on love, I’ll drive ya home. Let’s leave yer mother for a moment.”

Osamu hugged Atsumu tighter, telling him that he would love him forever. They both cried as their dad held them both.

“You boys are the best thing I ever did with my life. Atsumu, I never told yer enough but I love ya more than I can say.”

“I know dad.”

“I’ll see ya soon buddy.”

I could see their reluctance to leave but if they hadn’t left then, they never would have.

“Ma, come here.” Atsumu breathed, opening his arms.

She sat on the edge of the bed and leant up against him, letting him wrap his arms around her. I sat on the chair by the bed and held her hand. I rested my head on her lap and she stroked my hair.

“You boys are wonderful.”

“Ma, we’re grown, men.”

“Yer boys to me. Kiyoomi I can tell how much ya mean to my boy and the way you’ve stuck by him makes ya a part of my family. Yer deserved so much more than ya got, that grandbaby is gonna be so loved, I just wish they were coming under different circumstances.”

“Us too.” I whispered.

“Oh, my boys,” She said, pulling us closer. “This life has been unfair to ya. This wasn’t deserved, remember that won’t ya. And Atsumu, my sweet boy, you were the greatest gift from life. Osamu wouldn’t have survived as an only child, ya pulled him up and through. Ya were a better parent to him than I ever was. You’ve got a heart of gold, darling.”

“I love ya, ma.”

“I love you most.”

She stayed with us like that, until a nurse came and told her that visiting was over for the evening. She kissed us both goodbye, holding her son’s hand one more time and giving a short prayer.

It was cruel to make a mother say goodbye to her son in such a way, to make her leave with the knowledge that he was still alive but probably wouldn’t be when she returned in the morning.

I remained on the bed with Atsumu and we called Yui, talking to her and the baby until she was too tired to keep her eyes open. We said goodbye and she cried too. There was an aura to the day, everyone just knew.

In the early hours of the morning, Atsumu’s machines omitted a soft beeping noise. There was no loud alarm because everyone in the hospice was under a DNR, it was just to tell whoever was in the room, that the moment had come.

“Hey, tell me what’s wrong?” I panicked looking down at him.

“It’s my chest.” He heaved. “Heart I’m pretty sure feels like it’s exploding.”

I instinctively went to spring out the bed and get someone, beg for their help but Atsumu caught my wrist.

“You know it’s no use, Omi. Just stay here with me, please.”

So, I resettled, holding Atsumu closer, burying my face in his hair and holding both of his hands.

“I want more Atsumu. I want more late nights and early mornings. More weekends with Aika, more time in the house with you and the team, just more you. I wish I didn’t mess around; I wish I had been honest with myself, then maybe we would have had longer.”

“I want more too.”

“You’re twenty fucking eight, how is this fair? There are so many things we’ve got to do. We have a baby coming, we should be getting married. You wanted to take Aika to that park next month, to see the cherry blossom. We were gonna go together, we were gonna take her and it was going to be amazing and then we would have done it every year with her and our kid too. You gotta hold on baby, just a minute more, we gotta take Aika.”

“Hey, Omi, just stop. Let me talk.” Atsumu’s breathing was shallow and he looked like it hurt to speak. “Ya gave me more than I could ever have asked for. Every second with yer was heaven. I want more time too, so much more but we’re idiots and we didn’t give ourselves that. It breaks my heart that I will never meet our baby, never hold them, never tell them how much I love them. I will never take Aika to the park either. No matter how much I pray for a miracle, I’m dying.”

It was the first time he’d said those words. For the past six months, Miya never once said he was dying.

“Yer gotta do those things for me. You’ve gotta let our kid know how loved they are, ya gotta take Aika to the park and ya gotta look after Osamu for me. He’s a big baby, he can’t cope on his own. Do those things for me Omi-omi, please?”

“Of course, I will.”

“I love you Omi.” He whispered pressing one last kiss to my lips.

“I love you too, darling.”

I will never know if he heard me, the flat line of the monitor deafened me.

He was gone.

A month later, I stood in the middle of the park, watching the cherry blossoms swirl around me.

“Ojisan!” A small voice shouted.

I spun around and saw Aika running towards me arms open. I picked her up and spun her around.

“Isn’t it pretty, baby?”

“So pretty.”

“Atsumu would have loved this,” I whispered, thinking my voice was too quiet for her to hear.

“I miss him.”

“I miss him too.”

“Will, I ever see him again?”

“I don’t know darling. Maybe one day, when you’re really old. He misses you too, I know it.”

I spent the next hour chasing her around the park and giggling with her. We only went home because she fell over and got dirtied. I cleaned her with the wipes I carried but I still felt it wasn’t enough so I wanted to get her bathed.

I opened my front door and she ran straight in.

“Oh my! What happened to you?”

“I fell over at the park so Mi-mi brought me home for a bath.”

“Well, isn’t he the best?” Suna asked, picking his daughter up and cuddling her close. “Should we get started on that bath?”

Suna greeted me as he walked past and up the stairs and I went into the living room. Osamu was on the sofa, throw blanket over him, chewing at his thumbnail. They had been staying with me for a few weeks, we were leaning on each other as a sort of support bubble.

Osamu needed us the most. He spent most of his day staring out the window, just as he was. I sat next to him on the couch and offered him a sad smile.

“Do you think he’s okay?”

“I reckon running hell is a pretty cushy job.”

Osamu smirked and let out a small chuckle.

“You’re probably right. Tea?” he asked, getting up.

“I feel like I’m dying every day.” My words made Osamu stop in his tracks. “It hurts being in this apartment but I can’t bring myself to leave. It just feels like there is a hole where my heart used to be.”

Osamu placed a hand on my shoulder and I jumped. He was the hardest person to talk to, he looked so much like him. Some days it felt like I could reach out to Osamu and he would just become his brother but that was cruel and unfair.

“We’ll get there. I don’t think it’s ever gonna stop hurting but surely, it can’t be this forever, right?”

Osamu was mostly right. The hurt did never stop and the more time progressed, the less it felt like I was dying. There were still days that I collapsed on the shower floor and cried, after deep cleaning the entire apartment in a mad frenzy. There were nights I slept on the sofa because the bed felt too big and cold on my own. I carried on though.

I kept his things as they were but I couldn’t help but take some of them. After every bad day, I would throw on the cropped jumper I’d bought him, which had become one of his staple clothing pieces and I often wore his other jumpers, shirts and joggers without thinking – the same way I had when he was around.

It was stupid, but for just five seconds it felt like he as there with me.

The Miya’s went home again after a couple of months and the house seemed so big without people around, it was cold and empty. I went a little crazy, the first week without them there. The first night I screamed and hit things, finally crying myself to sleep on the floor of Atsumu’s closet. The next couple of nights, I stayed stark awake staring out of the window and falling apart.

After a week of barely any sleep and not caring for myself the way I used to, Atsumu’s mother showed up on my doorstep.

“I’ve told ya Kiyoomi, yer my baby too. Now come on, sleep.”

She pulled me to my room and held me the same way she used to hold Atsumu, rocking me until I slept. It made me wish my mother was affectionate in the same way. She had a lot of verbal affection to offer but never physical. She would never have come round to hold me. It was okay though, those boundaries had been there my whole life.

When I woke up, almost ten hours later, Atsumu’s mother was gone and I found her stood in my kitchen making food.

“Go get a shower, then come eat.” She demanded, pointing to me with the spatula.

The food was good, we sat at my table and exchanged pleasant conversation, pretending that we weren’t there because I was losing my mind. As we were finishing our meal, she finally spoke.

“I know how yer feeling Kiyoomi. I was there a few months ago. It’s come late for you because you took in Osamu and Aika, you didn’t let yourself grieve. It can’t be easy, being in this house alone.”

“I’m sure it’s worse for you.”

“I’m not sure it is. I am his mother yes, I made him and I raised him but I didn’t know him. As a parent, you never know everything about your children, they’re always hiding something but you knew him. There wasn’t a part of him you hadn’t seen, so in a way, you lost more of him.” She paused for a minute, looking away. “I miss him every day but we’ve got to be okay because there’s nothing else we can do.”

We’ve got to be okay. Those words became my mantra. They got me out of bed in the morning, lulled me to sleep at night and pulled me out of every panic attack.

Four months later, when our son was born, I finally felt like I was fulfilling those words. We had to be okay because that was what his daddy wanted.

Everyone was smitten with him, Yui had been a real trooper throughout the entire thing and the money I paid her never felt enough, even after I’d practically doubled it.

We named him Kazue, meaning blessing, and he was the spit of his dad.

“Miya Kazue. I like it.” Hinata smiled, cooing at the baby in my arms.

“Me too.” I smiled.

Atsumu’s parents stayed with me for a while and Osamu visited with Suna and Aika as often as possible. Aika adored Kazue, she loved holding him and talked constantly about him growing up so they could play together.

On my first night alone with him, I sat on the couch, wrapped the throw around us and held him close to his chest. I had done it a thousand time with his dad but he would never know for himself. I stared out of the windows and began explaining constellations, I knew Kazue couldn’t understand any of it but I hoped that in its own way, it made him closer to his dad.

“Hey, baby.” I smiled, looking up at the sky. “I know I haven't introduced you guys yet but this is Kazue, your son. He looks just like you and no doubt he will be a nightmare but I love him with my whole heart. He’s still little but one day he’s going to be the world’s greatest volleyball player, aren’t you?”

Kazue gargled and I took that as a yes.

“We miss you every day Atsumu, every single one of us. I’d give anything for you to be sat next to me right now. I love you endlessly.”

**Author's Note:**

> And she's done.
> 
> Halfway through I really wanted to change the narrative and make the ending happy because I was enjoying the fluff so much but I said what I said, I guess.


End file.
